For the Sake Of...
It was probably a sign that I need to find something else to focus my energy on. Graduate school starts in six weeks and I have a really cool vacation planned in five weeks so relief is on the way. I just have to make it to the end of summer. Not that a summer crush is a bad thing. After all, this one is getting me to the gym with increased regularity and that in turn is making me stronger and fitter, something my body needs anyway. Yes, Naysayers, I know it's not going anywhere and I am well aware that I'm 'wasting' a lot of good brain power on what is more than likely just a figment of my imagination. It also happens to be fun. Recon is fun. Perhaps too fun. So sue me.
Yesterday, after months of patient observation, I finally got a name. I wasn't trying and I certainly didn't do anything different than usual. She just happened to circle close enough and happened to be wearing a name tag. I happened to surreptitiously (I think) glance at the right moment for the right amount of time. Pay dirt. I got a name. Go me. I was probably happier than I should have been, but good intel is good intel. And I've been waiting a long time for this.
I smiled outwardly, put on a bit of swagger, and did a short internal happy dance. Patience does pay off. I've never been one to act like a bull in a china shop with women. I'm so far from aggressive that I'm sure I almost seem passive. What did Hillel say (yes, it's a Jewish reference)? 'That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow'? (Thank you, Wikipedia). Not only does that explain my way of living, it also sums up my dating/pursuit strategy. Hot pursuit is unattractive and pushy is pushy. I prefer a more laid back style, one that does not make rash assumptions and is less competitive and ego-driven.
Sure, I might be a wuss or a wimp and I'm well aware that you can't get something from nothing, however patience, to me, is something. In my world, in my dealings with the 'straight world' (I didn't create the dichotomy and I'm working to change it, but at this point I have to live with it), in-your-face doesn't work. Standing back, quietly observing, and letting them lead (which they often do without even knowing they're doing it) are the best bet. Eventually, I find out everything I need to know. In many cases, they end up telling me.
The absolute last thing I want or need to do is scare off a woman, Believe me, it can happen even after an appropriate amount of recon and a grand display of patience. It can also happen with friends as easily as with complete strangers. In the end, it all comes down to a judgement call. Given my disinterest (a word suggested by my very astute roommate) in a 'real' relationship, I'm good with patience and recon for the sake of patience and recon.
It's not for nothing. Practice does make perfect and one day I may want something 'real'. For now, though, I'm going to pretend. Besides it gives me something to think about and makes me go to the gym, something I traditionally hate to do. Make no mistake, however - If the Girl with the Golden Vagina, who's real name I now know (I never name names, remember?), told me to jump, I would ask how high. I may be a wuss and disinterested, but I'm not stupid. A pretty girl is and always will be a pretty girl.
So where does my recon take me next? I really don't know. Recall, I'm standing still and she's circling closer. In other words, she's leading this one. My role is to show up and patiently observe. Her role is to 'tell' me everything I need to know. Practice for the sake of practice and recon for the sake of recon. Until I have something else to think about.
Yesterday, after months of patient observation, I finally got a name. I wasn't trying and I certainly didn't do anything different than usual. She just happened to circle close enough and happened to be wearing a name tag. I happened to surreptitiously (I think) glance at the right moment for the right amount of time. Pay dirt. I got a name. Go me. I was probably happier than I should have been, but good intel is good intel. And I've been waiting a long time for this.
I smiled outwardly, put on a bit of swagger, and did a short internal happy dance. Patience does pay off. I've never been one to act like a bull in a china shop with women. I'm so far from aggressive that I'm sure I almost seem passive. What did Hillel say (yes, it's a Jewish reference)? 'That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow'? (Thank you, Wikipedia). Not only does that explain my way of living, it also sums up my dating/pursuit strategy. Hot pursuit is unattractive and pushy is pushy. I prefer a more laid back style, one that does not make rash assumptions and is less competitive and ego-driven.
Sure, I might be a wuss or a wimp and I'm well aware that you can't get something from nothing, however patience, to me, is something. In my world, in my dealings with the 'straight world' (I didn't create the dichotomy and I'm working to change it, but at this point I have to live with it), in-your-face doesn't work. Standing back, quietly observing, and letting them lead (which they often do without even knowing they're doing it) are the best bet. Eventually, I find out everything I need to know. In many cases, they end up telling me.
The absolute last thing I want or need to do is scare off a woman, Believe me, it can happen even after an appropriate amount of recon and a grand display of patience. It can also happen with friends as easily as with complete strangers. In the end, it all comes down to a judgement call. Given my disinterest (a word suggested by my very astute roommate) in a 'real' relationship, I'm good with patience and recon for the sake of patience and recon.
It's not for nothing. Practice does make perfect and one day I may want something 'real'. For now, though, I'm going to pretend. Besides it gives me something to think about and makes me go to the gym, something I traditionally hate to do. Make no mistake, however - If the Girl with the Golden Vagina, who's real name I now know (I never name names, remember?), told me to jump, I would ask how high. I may be a wuss and disinterested, but I'm not stupid. A pretty girl is and always will be a pretty girl.
So where does my recon take me next? I really don't know. Recall, I'm standing still and she's circling closer. In other words, she's leading this one. My role is to show up and patiently observe. Her role is to 'tell' me everything I need to know. Practice for the sake of practice and recon for the sake of recon. Until I have something else to think about.
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