Predictably Confusing
The world is a confusing place. Actually, if I'm honest, it's just the people who are confusing. Nature has a certain amount of order and predictability, but people? They are an eternal mystery. Psychological theory posits the opposite. People, like nature, are ordered and predictable. Maybe in a lab or while answer questions on a Likert scale, but in the real world they are the opposite - chaotic and unpredictable. In other words, people are a confusing and mysterious mess.
I try to understand. I look at psychological theories and analyze behavior. I contemplate the logical and the illogical. I create story after story and reason after reason. Above all, I try to see the best in everyone even when they do things that defy explanation. While some choose to call them 'assholes', 'users', 'bitches', 'dumbasses' or any other equally negative name, I do the contrary. I make excuse after excuse. My speech is peppered with 'but.. but... but...' and 'maybe...' 'well, maybe...', and 'no, it can't be that'. Even when the only logical explanation leads to something malevolent, I still go with something illogically positive.
This is me. Who I am. I'm nice and I want to see the best in people. This doesn't mean I'm not critical. I have high standards of behavior that go with being a constant presence in my world. I don't accept dishonesty, deceit, obsession, or inconsistency. I've parted ways with several friends over the years who repeatedly demonstrated a lack of integrity. I start every friendship with a certain amount of trust. Inevitably that trust either grows or recedes. When it all but disappears, I have a choice to make. Usually it means leaving them behind, but it never means that they are a bad person.
For example, I caught a good friend in a few too many lies awhile back. While I believe that she is a good person, I choose to keep her at a distance. I love her dearly, but at this point I can't trust her. I never did figure out why she lied about what she lied about. When trying to figure it out started making me crazy, I had to stop. Palms up and shoulders shrugged and a 'who the hell knows' ringing in my head, I let it go. I let her go.
Again, confusion. Even though I could make up a thousand and one explanations, people still remain inexplicable. Why don't I just ask? As in 'What in the f*** is wrong with you?' Hell, half the time they don't know any better than I do. Or if they do, they don't know how to verbalize it. As a people, we are screwed. What with the baggage, communication problems, childhood traumas, and an overall distrust of self-reflection, we're destined for confusion.
People are going to do what they're going to do. One of these days I'll stop trying to figure them out. I'll realize it's not about me and let them go. In my experience, it's seldom about me. If only it was. That would be so much easier. I could analyze myself, conclude that I'm an asshole, and be done.
Unfortunately, 99.9% of the time it's about them. Maybe my problem is my inability to see the bad in people. Maybe I should take off my rose colored glasses and come to a much more logical conclusion - People do in fact occasionally suck.
There's the explanation to the seemingly inexplicable. If only I could let myself believe it.
I try to understand. I look at psychological theories and analyze behavior. I contemplate the logical and the illogical. I create story after story and reason after reason. Above all, I try to see the best in everyone even when they do things that defy explanation. While some choose to call them 'assholes', 'users', 'bitches', 'dumbasses' or any other equally negative name, I do the contrary. I make excuse after excuse. My speech is peppered with 'but.. but... but...' and 'maybe...' 'well, maybe...', and 'no, it can't be that'. Even when the only logical explanation leads to something malevolent, I still go with something illogically positive.
This is me. Who I am. I'm nice and I want to see the best in people. This doesn't mean I'm not critical. I have high standards of behavior that go with being a constant presence in my world. I don't accept dishonesty, deceit, obsession, or inconsistency. I've parted ways with several friends over the years who repeatedly demonstrated a lack of integrity. I start every friendship with a certain amount of trust. Inevitably that trust either grows or recedes. When it all but disappears, I have a choice to make. Usually it means leaving them behind, but it never means that they are a bad person.
For example, I caught a good friend in a few too many lies awhile back. While I believe that she is a good person, I choose to keep her at a distance. I love her dearly, but at this point I can't trust her. I never did figure out why she lied about what she lied about. When trying to figure it out started making me crazy, I had to stop. Palms up and shoulders shrugged and a 'who the hell knows' ringing in my head, I let it go. I let her go.
Again, confusion. Even though I could make up a thousand and one explanations, people still remain inexplicable. Why don't I just ask? As in 'What in the f*** is wrong with you?' Hell, half the time they don't know any better than I do. Or if they do, they don't know how to verbalize it. As a people, we are screwed. What with the baggage, communication problems, childhood traumas, and an overall distrust of self-reflection, we're destined for confusion.
People are going to do what they're going to do. One of these days I'll stop trying to figure them out. I'll realize it's not about me and let them go. In my experience, it's seldom about me. If only it was. That would be so much easier. I could analyze myself, conclude that I'm an asshole, and be done.
Unfortunately, 99.9% of the time it's about them. Maybe my problem is my inability to see the bad in people. Maybe I should take off my rose colored glasses and come to a much more logical conclusion - People do in fact occasionally suck.
There's the explanation to the seemingly inexplicable. If only I could let myself believe it.
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