Bluff. Call. Fold.
I think I may have called her bluff. Play is always play until someone plays back. I know this to be a fact. How? I've said it before, but I guess I'll say it again for good measure - It's NOT my first Rodeo. I know a game when I see it. And I don't mean 'game' in the negative sense. She wasn't trying to get anything over on me; I'm pretty sure she knows that's not going to happen. Last night she wanted what she wanted and knew I would give it to her. Then I gave her a little more. Bluff. Call. Fold.
It all happened from a safe distance. She was where she was and I was where I was. It was ideal and truth be told, I was happy for the miles and the time separating us. Drunk would be dangerous if it was right down the road. At a safe distance, it's well... safe. Via text it's even safer. Games can be played, hints can be dropped, and nothing will come of it. Safe. Perfect. Sterile. I'm telling you, I could carry on an entire relationship like this. Hell. Who am I kidding? I have carried on an entire relationship (or two) like this. No fuss, no muss. Safe in it's distance. Easy in it's safety.
Truthfully, all I want is some attention and for someone to tell me I'm hot occasionally. As in every once in awhile. I certainly don't wish for any sort of full-on committment. I don't have the energy for all that. I want to control the agenda. I want to say when and how much. I'm secure in who I am and what I bring, but every now and again it's nice to hear it from an outside source. Especially if that source happens to be amazingly beautiful.
Last night I got exactly what I needed. I suspect so did she. Even though she was drunk and I was sober, we were in a similar place - alone and lonely. You don't text drunk text an ex-girlfriend on Saturday night to say 'howdy' and 'how are you'. She needed something from me, probably to hear that she's still beautiful (to me) eight years of marriage and two kids later (Empirically speaking, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. That is no exageration).
What she couldn't have known was that I needed something too, not from her specifically, but I definitely needed something. I've been in a downward spiral lately. Sober isn't a choice these days. It's a necessity. I refuse to medicate, not with pharmaceuticals and assuredly not with alcohol. I will weather this storm on my own. And with the help of a few well-placed drunk texts apparently.
Luckily, her power over me has diminished. Once upon a time a few 'well-placed drunken texts' would have turned me to goo and done nothing to improve my mental state. These days I'm just as likely to hold the power. Which incidentally is a lot more fun. For me. I'm not sure how she feels about it. Last night, simply because I could, I made certain envelop pushing 'statements'. At that point, it was game over (ie. bluff called). I just wanted to see how far she'd carry it. I found out. No guts, no glory; no harm, no foul. The only way to find the edge is to find the edge. I hate to make obvious statements, but it really is that obvious. Again, distance rocks. She got to learn I wasn't bluffing, I got to learn she probably was, and neither of us had to risk a damn thing.
And let's be honest. Why should I bluff? I'm single and in the mood for a Rodeo. I'm free and, as I've long maintained, it's their salavation, not mine. If they 'play', it's their decision. How can I say that? I form the words and say them. It's just that easy. I have never cheated and I really don't think I ever would. But as I said, I'm single. That they are not? Eh.... Let's go with 'I don't care'.
Bluffing for her is more important and may mean she has a conscience. And if I'm honest, I've experienced that conscience before. First hand. So will our time come? Who knows? Would I like it to? Hell, yes. Duh. Really, you have to ask? She beautiful and my greatest love (up to this point). But what if I end up in twist over her again? It's not going to happen. I have more power these days and fewer illusions. Regardless of what happens or doesn't happen, life will go on as it has for the past nine years. She is where she is and I am where I am. Obvious or not, it's the truth. And the truth doesn't bluff.
It all happened from a safe distance. She was where she was and I was where I was. It was ideal and truth be told, I was happy for the miles and the time separating us. Drunk would be dangerous if it was right down the road. At a safe distance, it's well... safe. Via text it's even safer. Games can be played, hints can be dropped, and nothing will come of it. Safe. Perfect. Sterile. I'm telling you, I could carry on an entire relationship like this. Hell. Who am I kidding? I have carried on an entire relationship (or two) like this. No fuss, no muss. Safe in it's distance. Easy in it's safety.
Truthfully, all I want is some attention and for someone to tell me I'm hot occasionally. As in every once in awhile. I certainly don't wish for any sort of full-on committment. I don't have the energy for all that. I want to control the agenda. I want to say when and how much. I'm secure in who I am and what I bring, but every now and again it's nice to hear it from an outside source. Especially if that source happens to be amazingly beautiful.
Last night I got exactly what I needed. I suspect so did she. Even though she was drunk and I was sober, we were in a similar place - alone and lonely. You don't text drunk text an ex-girlfriend on Saturday night to say 'howdy' and 'how are you'. She needed something from me, probably to hear that she's still beautiful (to me) eight years of marriage and two kids later (Empirically speaking, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. That is no exageration).
What she couldn't have known was that I needed something too, not from her specifically, but I definitely needed something. I've been in a downward spiral lately. Sober isn't a choice these days. It's a necessity. I refuse to medicate, not with pharmaceuticals and assuredly not with alcohol. I will weather this storm on my own. And with the help of a few well-placed drunk texts apparently.
Luckily, her power over me has diminished. Once upon a time a few 'well-placed drunken texts' would have turned me to goo and done nothing to improve my mental state. These days I'm just as likely to hold the power. Which incidentally is a lot more fun. For me. I'm not sure how she feels about it. Last night, simply because I could, I made certain envelop pushing 'statements'. At that point, it was game over (ie. bluff called). I just wanted to see how far she'd carry it. I found out. No guts, no glory; no harm, no foul. The only way to find the edge is to find the edge. I hate to make obvious statements, but it really is that obvious. Again, distance rocks. She got to learn I wasn't bluffing, I got to learn she probably was, and neither of us had to risk a damn thing.
And let's be honest. Why should I bluff? I'm single and in the mood for a Rodeo. I'm free and, as I've long maintained, it's their salavation, not mine. If they 'play', it's their decision. How can I say that? I form the words and say them. It's just that easy. I have never cheated and I really don't think I ever would. But as I said, I'm single. That they are not? Eh.... Let's go with 'I don't care'.
Bluffing for her is more important and may mean she has a conscience. And if I'm honest, I've experienced that conscience before. First hand. So will our time come? Who knows? Would I like it to? Hell, yes. Duh. Really, you have to ask? She beautiful and my greatest love (up to this point). But what if I end up in twist over her again? It's not going to happen. I have more power these days and fewer illusions. Regardless of what happens or doesn't happen, life will go on as it has for the past nine years. She is where she is and I am where I am. Obvious or not, it's the truth. And the truth doesn't bluff.
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