Winners, Cinnamon Rolls, and Bacardi

"Lagom är bäst." ~ "Just enough is best" or "Enough is as good as a feast"

Lagom is a Swedish term that means "just enough" or "just the right amount". If you've been to IKEA, you might doubt lagom exists in Sweden, but it's actually an important part of the country's socio-cultural philosophy. Lagom is about eschewing flashiness and extravagance in favor of moderation. It's about stopping short, maintaining harmony, and staying away from extremes.

Let's be honest. We can't say that ALL Swedes practice lagom. That would be like saying ALL Americans are assholes. It's a cultural stereotype to some extent, but from my experience in Sweden there's a helluva lot of lagom going on. People are reserved, not keen on idle chit-chat, and drive the speed limit. Alcohol is only sold at government run liquor stores (Systembolaget) that are only open prescribed hours (The rum section at the Systembolaget is an exercise in moderation in and of itself. Dear Sweden, there's more to rum than Bacardi). A small soda is actually small, i.e. not 32 ounces like in America. With the exception of the chocolate kanelbullar I had at one particular konditori (It was almost literally the size of my head...which could be argued was in fact "just enough"), restaurant portions are big enough for a good meal but not so big as to require a doggie bag.

That might be why I like it so well in Sweden, why I feel so at home. I've long said that just enough is enough. I try to do everything in moderation - work, run, play tennis, go to the gym, eat, write, watch TV. It's all about creating balance. The craven desire for excess that permeates American society runs contrary to my personal philosophy. Here, we are playing a perpetual dog-eat-dog game of winner take all. In Sweden, they go home early to spend time with family. Here, we constantly compete with the Joneses. New car? Check. More Christmas lights? Check. In Sweden, the Sundstroms get to rest easy.  I'm as stereotypically untypical in America as I am stereotypically typical in Sweden.

Except when it comes to my tennis game. I grew up idolizing Stefan Edberg, but I played a lot more like Jimmy Connors. I was flash and attitude. I wanted the big shot, the extreme winner. I played hot - threw rackets and dropped enough f-bombs to earn myself several code violations. As I matured as an adult and tennis player, I learned to temper my temper. Somewhat. These days I try not to swear ("Poopy-potty" is one of my favorites) and keep the racket throwing to a minimum (Those things aren't cheap), but I still love the Big Shot. A winner isn't enough. It has to clip the line or land right in the corner.

Truthfully, a winner doesn't have to land anywhere except out of reach. If the ball bounces twice before your opponent gets to it, it's a winner. In fact, it can be hit with a middling amount of pace and land in the middle of the court (Shocker...). About a year ago, one of my doubles partners, who also had issues with moderation, introduced the concept of "Just Enough" to our partnership. Rather than trying to knock the shit out the ball when we had an easy set up, we began placing the ball. We stopped going for WINNERS! and simply hit winners. Interestingly, we hit fewer losers, i.e. unforced errors, and we won more. Wow, right?

Our partnership broke up last spring at the end of league season and, in all honesty, I've allowed myself backslide into my old ways. A WINNER! is much more addictive than a winner. Recently, after watching a lot of the U.S. Open, I realized that most of the top players do just enough to win the point. I don't mean that negatively. They aren't slacking or taking it easy. They simply hit the ball hard enough and in the right place enough to win the point. If they've set the point up properly, they don't have to do more than "just enough". It's brilliant.

And it's Lagom. Ok, ok... The Swedes haven't had a top player in a couple decades, but you can't argue with their philosophy. Just enough works. Going for too much and over hitting lead to errors, egregious, cuss word inducing, I-should-have-won-the-point errors. I say it often on court, "Lagom, Stacee, lagom". Sometimes it's a reminder. Sometimes it's a pat on the back. I haven't yelled it at myself  yet - "FUCKING LAGOM, STACEE ANN!!!!" - though I'm certain it's coming.

Truly, we shouldn't be too anything, not Swedish and certainly not American. It's all about finding the right balance, the right amount of just enough. Occasionally, we have to go for the WINNER! Or eat a cinnamon roll the size of our head. Of course, other times we have to settle for Bacardi at the Systembolaget.

Remember - All things in moderation. Including lagom.