How Do You Say Duvet in Swedish?

Täcke: Duvet, quilt, or cover. A soft quilt filled with down, feathers, or a synthetic fiber, used instead of an uppersheet and blankets.

I feel like I'll be fluent in Swedish long before I'm able to efficiently change a duvet cover. Why is that even an issue? Well, recent proposed changes to Swedish citizenship qualifications include things intended to ensure that newly minted citizens are fully integrated into Swedish society, like being able to speak Swedish fluently and more stringent residency requirements. Fine by me. I love Sweden and I'm all for integration. I've already started learning the language and, while I'd prefer to be a citizen sooner than later, I will definitely do what it takes. I think I'll be fine as long as eating fermented herring (surströmming) and efficiently changing duvet covers don't become qualifications. I might be able to hold my nose and swallow a bite of herring if my (Swedish) life depended on it, but duvet covers... I've had them on and off for nearly a decade. And I can't even. 

Like many Americans, I though duvet covers were just an IKEA thing. Market white fluffy down-filled inserts in a variety of warmth ratings (most of which the majority of Americans will never need), pair them with a zillion cover options in wide range of colors and patterns, and BOOM! They may be reasonably popular here in the States, but let me tell you , duvet covers are Sweden in a nutshell. I didn't sleep on one bed in Sweden (or Denmark for that matter) that didn't have a duvet cover. In America, chances are, all would have had a bedspread or comforter. Not so in Scandinavia. Duvet cover. Period. This means that if I ever want to be fully integrated into Swedish society (which I would very much like to be), I'll need to improve my duvet cover changing efficiency.

I recently deleted a picture from Facebook of me demonstrating the "Butts Up Method" (Note: I deleted the picture, not due to the shame of sucky duvet cover changing, but because I'm deleting all "tags" related to a certain ex-girlfriend). Even with the risk of potential suffocation, I used this method for years. It goes like this - Layout duvet cover on bed. Grab one corner of duvet and stuff it into the cover. When you can no longer reach, crawl inside duvet cover with duvet still in hand. If your butt is up in the air at this point, you're doing it "right". Push corner of duvet into corresponding corner of the cover. Crawl back out. Repeat process with opposite corner of duvet. Crawl back out. Pull duvet cover over duvet. Stuff corners of duvet into the corners of the duvet cover nearest the opening. Repeat with opposite side. Grab two opposite corners (be sure you're holding both duvet and cover) and shake, shake, shake, until duvet is fully covered corner to corner to corner to corner. You may need to shake multiple opposite corners. 

I can't imagine why, but shortly after that picture was taken, I bought a comforter and tossed my duvet covers. Then a year or so ago, my (current) girlfriend and I switched back. We have dogs. That shed. And occasionally barf. On the bed. Given the super small washing machine we have at our house and the inconvenience of going to a laundry mat, we decided (during a trip to IKEA) that it would be far easier to wash and change a duvet cover when it got to hairy or dirty. Turns out it was a "great" idea. We bought two light weight duvets (Central Texas weather never requires anything heavy duty) and a couple inexpensive covers that fit nicely in our laundry machines. Now we can "easily" change out one or both when required or needed.

I use the terms "great" and "easily" in the loosest way possible. In the division of labor at our house, my girlfriend handles the outdoor tasks - weed eating, mowing, and snake removal. I change duvet covers. I don't know who got the better end of that bargain. In my defense, I have gotten better at it. For one, I no longer use the "Butts Up Method". Now, it'smore "Grab, Pull, Shake". GPS is similar to Butts Up but no crawling into the cover is needed (or recommended). Grab a corner of the duvet, pull it into the corresponding corner of the cover. Repeat with opposite corner. Shake or pull cover over the duvet. Grab remaining corners of duvet and stuff them into remaining corresponding cover corners. Grab two opposite corners (Again, be sure you're holding both duvet and cover) then shake, shake, shake until the duvet is fully covered from all four corners.

I have no idea how I gave up on Butts Up in favor of the GPS Method. Assuredly, there are You Tube videos on the subject, but I've never looked. I'm a kinesthetic learner (I gotta touch it, taste it, feel it) so a video would only confuse me and wouldn't enhance my skills. Maybe I'm using an approved method, maybe not. I should probably check because even though I'm making progress, I still feel like I suck. Sure, I've cut my time in half and I no longer expose my butt to inopportune photo ops, but I feel far from efficient by Swedish standards.

With Swedish citizenship residency requirements potentially increasing from five to seven years, I have plenty of time to improve my skills before putting them to the test in Scandinavia. Meanwhile, here in America, my dogs shed and barf with shocking regularity so the learning opportunities are seemingly endless. Soon enough, with the proper diligence, I'll be fluent in both Swedish and duvet cover changing. And with all that in hand, I'll be well on my way to integration and Swedish citizenship!