Q & A

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I live with questions. I honestly prefer them. They're the mystery. The blind curve. The I-don't-know. Sometimes I think I want to know - who, when, what, how, where, why? Then I don't. There's something about being out here all alone without a parachute amid the uncertainty. And really, who says I need a parachute? No one. Because no one knows for sure. Will I finish grad school? Will I stay in Austin? Will I keep selling paint? Where will I meet her? Does she even exist? How long is my wrist going to hurt? Why is the 'check engine' light on in my car again? How long will I let my hair grow? When will she get better?

Some big. Some small. Some open. Some closed. Some rhetorical. Still, the question always remains. It has to. Knowing the answer would change everything. Including the question. And the answer.

I don't ask. I never have. What if I'd known? Would I have done what I did? Would I be here now? Would I have willingly signed up for what I signed up for? Would I have finished grad school the first time? Would I have loved her? Would I have started sooner or not at all?

See? It's all about the free fall, the blind curve, the mystery, the questions. Knowing without knowing. Fearing less. Trusting more. Believing in. Having faith. Finding Grace.

And really, the questions are the easy part.


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