The Latest One About Happiness
I'm a happy person. Glass half full, that kind of thing. I'm buoyant. I land on my feet. All that said, I'm here to tell you - no matter how it may seem from the outside looking in - happiness has not always come easy. I grew up actually thinking - at least until somewhere in my twenties, maybe - that happiness wasn't something adults experienced. Miserable parents? Yeah, I think they were. And they were my example. I don't recall if I was a happy child. I guess it's safe to say I wasn't unhappy.
Happiness, though, wasn't something I really ever thought about. I probably mulled over being taller or richer or smarter, but happiness? Not so much. It simply wasn't a thing. I can't recall when I truly began to consider happiness as something I might one day have...or be. As I said above, I came to a realization that happiness was possible for adults at some point, but like relationships that last longer than six months, I figured it wasn't for me. And honestly, I'm pretty sure I never consciously thought about being happy, manufacturing happiness, working at it, until my forties.
Now, as I nose my way into my fifties, it's practically the only thing. The desire to be happy - and please know I'm not talking about ecstasy or perfection or some type of ebullient bubbling over of giddiness - is a constant. It dictates my decisions, my attitudes, my choice of thought, even the people I welcome into my life. The prime mover in my life and the question I ask myself over and over again is very simple - Will this increase my happiness? If the answer is anything but yes, I don't do it, think it, or consider it. It's 100% off the table.
Lest anyone think I'm living some lavishly selfish, narcissistically hedonistic life completely dedicated to my own happiness at the expense of everyone and everything in the world around me, I'm not. Lord no, One of the things that truly brings me the most happiness is kindness - being nice to people. Ok, and lest anyone think I'm some crazed people pleaser whose happiness is rooted exclusively in the happiness of others, guess again. I simply believe that kindness is a good thing. And get this - usually kindness is repaid. Not always immediately - some people are truly unhappy assholes hell bent on pulling everyone into the undertow of their misery - but eventually, always eventually. Putting kindness into the world increases the world's kindness quotient (KQ. I just made that up, by the way) and THAT is what brings it all back around. For the more mathematically oriented and/or visual reader - If K is Kindness, solve for K.
K + (K+K) + K(K) = |K|
Kindness given is kindness repaid. Eventually. Boom. Think on that for a moment. What comes around, goes around and we have the absolute power to create a kinder world. And that very simple thought makes me happy.
~
I'm not going to say that I was unhappy in Texarkana, Austin, or Las Vegas. I am buoyant and nearly unflappable. I rise. I find my way. I was happy. It's just this - that happiness wasn't always easy to come by. I struggled. And you know, until I found myself in Sweden for the first time, I never knew the impact a place could have on happiness. Maybe it's more contentment and peace than happiness, but I have learned that those two are precursors to happiness. When you are content and at peace, happiness is a lot easier. In Sweden, Stockholm in particular, I found an uncommon peace, a slice of myself I had never experienced, and suddenly happiness arrived. Was it because I was on vacation? Maybe. We could certainly argue that. But then I came to the Carolinas - also on vacation - and once again I was content and at peace; I was happy (My girlfriend at the time is another variable we could argue). Sweden was never going to be a realistic move, but the Carolinas were definitely doable. And so here I am.
Life is not perfect. Far from it. I'm lonely at times. My hair is out of control. My calf is being a complete fuckwaffle. Someone in my house barfs everyday (and it's not me). My dog doesn't get along with other dogs. If I don't get my proverbial financial poo in order real quick, the Asheville housing market may outpace my ability to invest in it. I work mostly hellacious closing shifts in a position I don't exactly relish and one I'm not all that good at. I miss my parents. My metabolism is a constant challenge. I find it nearly impossible to motivate myself to write fiction. The list could seriously go on and on.
That stuff, though, is just life and life is challenging wherever you find yourself. But being here - in Asheville - all that merely scratches the surface of my happiness. It's like I finally have an umbrella of peace and contentment that keeps a lot of the niggling bullshit of life at bay. Point blank, thus far, happiness is just easier here.
What makes me happiest here?
- Watching my dog's happiness when we're out hiking and she's the only dog within smelling distance.
- Skating the velodrome at Carrier Park.
- Drinking a cider on the patio at Urban Orchard.
- Running along the river.
- Running at Biltmore.
- Sampling all the best burgers in town with a friend (Especially the thick cut applewood smoked bacon you can add to the cheeseburger at Cedric's on Biltmore Estate and oddly the kale side salad at Smoky Park Supper Club).
- Getting coffee at one of my favorite coffee places post-morning run or skate.
- Laughing with my new co-workers who truly make the hellish closing shifts and the position I don't relish so much better.
- Green, green, and more green,
- Writing here at Home Ground (We can thank Asheville and a rigorous local vaccination program for that one).
- Seeing the Container Family (that's what I call my container garden) grow and flourish on my balcony.
- Walking antique/junk stores trolling for "treasures."
- The ambiance and energy I'm creating in my apartment (Partly with said junk mentioned above).
I guess the moral of the story, if there must be one, is that happiness is possible. For me, it's always been about choice - once I realized there actually was a choice. But damn, it's been a struggle. Most of my discontent centered on place and, even though I often wondered if my standards were just too damn high, I kept searching. There were times I doubted I would ever find where I was supposed to be. It seemed so easy for others but now I wonder.....maybe many of them are settling. I fully realize that many don't have the choices that have been open to me and I am in awe of their ability to create contentment, peace, and happiness in what may not be perfect circumstances. However if you are one of the lucky ones, who like me, have the power to make changes - to seek a happier life - do it!
And never ever, ever, ever stop.
Comments
Post a Comment