Herding Quirks

"I'm an introvert with a favorite spoon." ~ Stacee Ann Harris

Let's be real. I think I'm pretty cool. Well, I can be. I have above average intelligence; I workout regularly and watch what I eat; I drink alcohol sparingly; I've published novels and traveled the world; I can hit a tennis ball with some level of consistency; I'm pretty decent at endurance activities; I have two degrees in liberal arts which should make me a lot better at trivia than I am; I have a decent credit score, no criminal record, and I'm a reasonably safe driver; I'm kind, open-minded, and considerate of the feelings of others; if we exclude anxiety issues, I'm sane.

And I have a favorite spoon. Everyone has quirks, Stacee? I get that. Everyone has something... It's just that most people's quirks are held in check by the close proximity of others - i.e. family members, significant others, friends. At this point, there is nothing holding back my oddness. Nothing. Since moving to Las Vegas six months ago, I've been left 99.9% to my own devices. This means everything that I am is running completely unchecked. I don't have friends or a "person" to mention in passing -much less host a come to Jesus meeting about it - that I've become a bit weird...even for me. 

Why is all this coming up now? Well.....I sort of met someone that I kind of like, as in someone I might actually like-like. "Just let your charisma shine through." That's what one friend said when I mentioned the spoon and my introversion. After so many months of alone time, I've lost the majority of my charisma, as she called it. My people skills, which used to be well above average, have dwindled to a point where they are marginal at best. I'm a shadow of the person I was in the past. I'm just out of practice? That's probably true...but how does one fix that? Hell, I'm so busy herding quirks I don't have energy left for much else. 

It's not that I spend a lot of time caring about what people think of me. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this right now. I am who I am. Like me or like me. It's just that I feel a lot less likable than I ever have. I used to be able to take my likability to the bank. I was who I was and people seemed to be pretty ok with that. And because people liked me - remember I used to have above average people skills - I could get away with being a little bizarre. At some point in early junior high, I faced the fact that I was different, and not always in a way that made it easy to fit in. So as for fitting in... I wouldn't know where to begin. People have tended to like me - especially in my adulthood - because I'm kind, occasionally funny, smarter than average, and I had those halfway decent people skills. I also knew when and how to dole out my crazy. People like that. 

Now, though, with my people skills on the wane and my quirks proliferating at epidemic proportions, I've got nothing to fall back on. It can't be THAT bad, Stacee? Want me to make a list for you? Y'all already know about my favorite spoon...and that's tame. But it's all to keep your anxiety in check without pharmceutical intervention. Like that makes it any better. We're all human; we all get anxiety; panic attacks even. And most people medicate to mediate it. I don't. I have chosen not to. Remember what that doctor told you years ago about your anorexia? Get a boyfriend? That was some sage advice. But he had a point. You didn't need a boyfriend but you needed friends. Valid. I pulled myself out of my control and oddness then. Maybe I can do it again now. But f*** I don't see myself releasing too much too soon. I've got the favorite spoon, and now a favorite fork. Let's list a few other quirks, shall we, for fun.

• I talk to my pets incessantly.
• I speak in funny voices when no one is listening.
• I workout in the morning six mornings a week to prevent the inevitable guilt that will eat away at my soul for the rest of the day.
• I eat the same thing every day at roughly the same time with only slight variations.
• I have a morning routine, an evening routine, a spinning routine, a gym routine, a Dyl goes to day care routine, a cooking dinner routine, a pet feeding/litter box emptying routine, a going to Dad's routine, a wake up in the middle of the night routine.
• I've been watching every episode of "Grey's Anatomy" in order for the past four months (see evening routine for details) and have no plans of stopping before I finish all fifteen seasons.
• I vacuum my apartment every other day without exception.
• I shave my head whenever I feel out of control.
• I listen to the same Pandora station whenever I listen to Pandora. 
• I don't like to change the wallpaper on my phone.
• I keep my keys on a hook by my door. Dylan's leashes go on a separate hook. Always. 
• In addition to the spoon and fork, I have a favorite cooking utensil. 
• All of my chargers are in labelled bags in a box in my entertainment stand. They are never not returned when I'm done using them. 
• I am hooked on maple. I use variations on my oatmeal and steamed vegetables. 
• I never answer the phone because I don't like to talk...and because it interferes with a routine.
• A change in routine must be planned and have appropriate recovery time built in. 
• I'm writing this now because if I don't post something today I will feel bad for not writing on my day off. That's common for days off. 

I suppose that list means I'm out. Everyone who chooses to read this blog will KNOW. In truth, it is what it is. I wish I could change a few things and maybe someday that wish will come true. In the meantime, I have to do me the best way I know how. And, you know, if someone doesn't like it or thinks I'm too weird, that's on them. Just as it has always been. 

That list? It's me. Who I am. What I do. The people who know me - truly know me - know why. They know what's required and why. The rest.... Well, they just aren't privileged to know yet. If they chose to bob and weave around my quirks and declining people skills... If they stick around... If they care to understand... If they care to know... then someday they will. 

Because damn... I could use a local friend or two. 

~~~

It's a two-way street, you know. I'm not going to drop off a truckload of quirks for herding and expect understanding without giving the same in return.