Birds Without a Wire
I'm not going to beat around it. I signed up for an on-line dating service this week. Like I paid for it. Something I said I would never, ever, ever, ever do. As in never, ever, ever be desperate enough to do. For the record, I'm not desperate. I don't need a woman in my life. Hell, I'm barely sure I want one. However, I feel like I should at least put in the effort. That way down the road, when loneliness hits or I need someone to push me around in my wheelchair, I'll know I tried. And failed. Sure, because that's the likelihood. I'm not, nor have I ever been, good at dating. I despise it, honestly. Hours of small talk over a drink or coffee? The merest idea of it all makes me shake.
And yet for some reason, I've spent far more time than expected this week wandering through the LGBTQ wing of E-Harmony. It's just one of those inexplicable things in my life that I simply have to go with. I joined up for six months. I could have paid about the same price for two years...but good Christ... Either this thing works or it doesn't. I'm not going to spend years out here talking to random women on-line. I'm already growing weary and it's only been a couple days. These things take time? Maybe The One hasn't welled up the courage to join up yet and is twenty-three months away from doing so? I'll be long gone before she shows up? Yes. Yes, I will be. Because, look, for all you fate-believers, if she and I are truly destined, I'll meet her sitting at an airport bar or trip over her in a half marathon. I don't know what to tell the rest of y'all. That I'm making an effort now - a six month effort - will have to suffice.
Why E-Harmony? I get it. They have a history of evangelical Christian bias and only created Compatible Partners, the original LGBTQ site, because they lost a discrimination lawsuit back in '09. I'm not saying a decade has diminished their Christian mission or that they now willingly welcome us into their side of heaven, however E-Harmony is about compatibility and finding long-term partnership. The personality profile - which pretty much nailed me - is extensive and is used to determine compatible matches. Now, what parameters they use to determine "compatibility" still remain a mystery (I've yet to do the research), but it's a massive step in the right direction. Other dating sites merely ask about preferred age, body type, and geography and let the rest fall to chance. E-Harmony doesn't care what you think you want; they send you all compatible matches.
I tried it the other way. I did it the more traditional, less evangelical way. I did so-called "dating" sites. What I found were sexualized photos, details about sexual proclivities and desires, and physical descriptions. I'm not going to say all the women were looking for a hook up or someone to turn their dyad into a triad, but the percentages seemed really high. Remember, I despise dating. Moreover, I most certainly don't want a hook-up nor do I want to experiment with some kind of multi-partner-open-relationship thing. I either want a life partner or I don't. There is zero middle ground.
That's why E-Harmony. It seems - recall it's still the early going - that many of the women are looking for something more far reaching than a weekend hook-up. Whether they are looking for marriage, partnership, or someone to date long-term remains to be seen. However, given that most don't restrict their geography, it seems that many feel that The One may not live around the corner. To what lengths they are willing to go to make it happen also remains to be seen. Maybe some signed up merely for the ego feed or to chat with women they have no intention of ever pursuing. I dunno. This sh** ain't cheap so I'm betting most are pretty serious about trying to find someone.
I'm middling. If something comes, it comes. I'm certainly not tying my ego or my sanity to what a bunch of women I'll never meet think of me or don't think of me. Brass tax, Stacee. Would you move halfway across the country for a woman?? Did it, got blown three weeks later, and survived. It's not high on my list of things to do again, but sometimes you gotta take a chance. A well-educated, well-researched chance. If I survived once, I can survive again. Plus, I'm not married to Las Vegas. I like it fine, but I'm skeptical it will be a long-term solution for me (After just six months, I'm starting to miss weather). Why not move somewhere for love next time?
So, what am I looking for? A woman who is active, independent, goal-directed, passionate about life, and loves sports and travel. Above all, I'm looking for someone who wants a partner but does not need one. Sounds like I'm looking for myself? Yep, it does. Look, y'all…. Please trust me when I say I'm not desperate (charge on my Visa notwithstanding) and I will not settle. I just don't need someone in my life badly enough to overlook incompatibilities or to extensively expand my parameters.
I still haven't a clue how it all works. When do you say hello? What comes next? How often can you message without seeming needy? It's been a long time since I hit it off with someone via on-line chat. It's been a long time since I've on-line chatted. And there's the whole small talk thing that I abhor. I guess there's no way to get around some of it. On a positive note, I did send a private message this morning to a woman I thought was interesting and pretty cute. Sometimes it all starts with a simple "Hi."
And yet for some reason, I've spent far more time than expected this week wandering through the LGBTQ wing of E-Harmony. It's just one of those inexplicable things in my life that I simply have to go with. I joined up for six months. I could have paid about the same price for two years...but good Christ... Either this thing works or it doesn't. I'm not going to spend years out here talking to random women on-line. I'm already growing weary and it's only been a couple days. These things take time? Maybe The One hasn't welled up the courage to join up yet and is twenty-three months away from doing so? I'll be long gone before she shows up? Yes. Yes, I will be. Because, look, for all you fate-believers, if she and I are truly destined, I'll meet her sitting at an airport bar or trip over her in a half marathon. I don't know what to tell the rest of y'all. That I'm making an effort now - a six month effort - will have to suffice.
Why E-Harmony? I get it. They have a history of evangelical Christian bias and only created Compatible Partners, the original LGBTQ site, because they lost a discrimination lawsuit back in '09. I'm not saying a decade has diminished their Christian mission or that they now willingly welcome us into their side of heaven, however E-Harmony is about compatibility and finding long-term partnership. The personality profile - which pretty much nailed me - is extensive and is used to determine compatible matches. Now, what parameters they use to determine "compatibility" still remain a mystery (I've yet to do the research), but it's a massive step in the right direction. Other dating sites merely ask about preferred age, body type, and geography and let the rest fall to chance. E-Harmony doesn't care what you think you want; they send you all compatible matches.
I tried it the other way. I did it the more traditional, less evangelical way. I did so-called "dating" sites. What I found were sexualized photos, details about sexual proclivities and desires, and physical descriptions. I'm not going to say all the women were looking for a hook up or someone to turn their dyad into a triad, but the percentages seemed really high. Remember, I despise dating. Moreover, I most certainly don't want a hook-up nor do I want to experiment with some kind of multi-partner-open-relationship thing. I either want a life partner or I don't. There is zero middle ground.
That's why E-Harmony. It seems - recall it's still the early going - that many of the women are looking for something more far reaching than a weekend hook-up. Whether they are looking for marriage, partnership, or someone to date long-term remains to be seen. However, given that most don't restrict their geography, it seems that many feel that The One may not live around the corner. To what lengths they are willing to go to make it happen also remains to be seen. Maybe some signed up merely for the ego feed or to chat with women they have no intention of ever pursuing. I dunno. This sh** ain't cheap so I'm betting most are pretty serious about trying to find someone.
I'm middling. If something comes, it comes. I'm certainly not tying my ego or my sanity to what a bunch of women I'll never meet think of me or don't think of me. Brass tax, Stacee. Would you move halfway across the country for a woman?? Did it, got blown three weeks later, and survived. It's not high on my list of things to do again, but sometimes you gotta take a chance. A well-educated, well-researched chance. If I survived once, I can survive again. Plus, I'm not married to Las Vegas. I like it fine, but I'm skeptical it will be a long-term solution for me (After just six months, I'm starting to miss weather). Why not move somewhere for love next time?
So, what am I looking for? A woman who is active, independent, goal-directed, passionate about life, and loves sports and travel. Above all, I'm looking for someone who wants a partner but does not need one. Sounds like I'm looking for myself? Yep, it does. Look, y'all…. Please trust me when I say I'm not desperate (charge on my Visa notwithstanding) and I will not settle. I just don't need someone in my life badly enough to overlook incompatibilities or to extensively expand my parameters.
I still haven't a clue how it all works. When do you say hello? What comes next? How often can you message without seeming needy? It's been a long time since I hit it off with someone via on-line chat. It's been a long time since I've on-line chatted. And there's the whole small talk thing that I abhor. I guess there's no way to get around some of it. On a positive note, I did send a private message this morning to a woman I thought was interesting and pretty cute. Sometimes it all starts with a simple "Hi."
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