Thoughts that Serve

"Find a thought that serves you better." ~ Deena Kastor

I went to Iceland last month to run a half marathon. As I sat in my hotel room the morning of the race, I kicked myself. I'd left the book at home. I travel light. If it isn't going to have a daily impact, it stays home. Period. The book, a hardback copy of "Let Your Mind Run", was bulky and heavy and more than I wanted to schlep from Austin to Minneapolis to Reykjavik. This was all fine and dandy in theory and for the first eight days of my trip. But that morning - the morning I'd spent a long, hot Central Texas summer training for - was upon me, just less than two hours away.

I was in a good frame of mind. I'd tapered for a few days and done a fairly easy 10k running tour the day before (If you run and end up in Reykjavik, you gotta check out Go! Running Tours Reykjavik and ask for Fridrick). My legs felt surprisingly decent considering I'd walked and ran over 30,000 steps the day before. Breakfast was good - bread, bacon, and fruit - and I had the directions to the starting line programmed into Google Maps. I debated clothing a little - the weather was going to be cold and maybe a little windy - but I went with a new favorite pair of running tights, a long sleeve base layer, and a purple 3/4 zip that had kept me warm throughout my runs in Norway last spring. I was as ready as I was going to be.

Except... What about the what ifs? When I started to think of what might possibly go wrong (21.1k is a long way and a lot can go wrong), I knew I needed a little inspiration. Not having the well-read copy of my inspirational go-to (and being too cheap to buy an e-copy for my Kindle), I turned to Google. The quote above was the first thing I saw. I'm sure I'd read it before, probably even underlined it, but that morning it was exactly what I needed.

And it served.

Knowing the potential of my inner strength carried me that day. I ran well - consistently faster than I had in all my training runs - and felt near perfect throughout the race. Just once did I need to remind myself of that Google quote. As we made the turn at the halfway mark and headed back along the beautiful Icelandic coast, we hit a stiff headwind. My face burned from the cold and the snot draining mercilessly from my nose began to freeze to my face. It was a kind of misery I'd never experienced before. Soon my thoughts turned as harsh as the windchill. How was I going to hold my pace, for one? Buffeted by the strong winds I knew my pace was slowing. And would my face ever thaw out, would I ever feel warm again, for two and three? (The sensation of your face thawing is a truly unique experience, by the way.)

That was the tipping point. I could have dwelled on the negative - It was f***ing awful - or I could find a thought that served me better. I immediately reminded myself what I'd been saying all summer - Conditions don't matter. If I could tough out a bunch of long runs in the heat and humidity, I could endure a little cold and a frozen face.

Endure. I pushed the limits of my comfort zone that day. "Find the edge," I told myself, "and just hang on."  "Dangle your legs over the edge, just dangle them, you can do it." I finished the race in 1:42:43 and realized that I'm still pretty fast. Even with a frozen face.

Exactly two weeks later, I once again pushed the limits of my comfort zone. Clinging to a wall, some sixteen feet in the air, my hands freezing, and my legs shaking, I was terrified. Not so much that I'd fall - I was harnessed in and trusted the person on belay. I think it was more that I wouldn't succeed or that I'd give in to my fear. "Find a thought that serves you better...," I recall thinking. Fearless now, fearless. I took a breath, shook out my hands, found a fresh foothold, and rose even higher on the wall. Take that, Comfort Zone.

It's just rock climbing and running, right? Athletic pursuits. Sport. I'm here to tell you that it's so much more. If I can fight through the pain and doubt on a long run or my fear of heights while climbing, there is nothing that can possibly stop me. You see, "thoughts that serve" also serve in the real world. There's power in our thoughts. Believe you can and you will. I'm attacking my introversion these days - trying to get outside myself a little and work on my dislike of crowds, people, and things I can't control. It's working. I've been more social in the three weeks since I returned from Iceland than in the past year or more combined. When I feel myself backsliding or getting anxious, I find a thought that serves me better. It's not that hard really. Well, no harder than running in sub-freezing wind chills along the coast near Reykjavik on the first official day of Iceland's winter.