Finding Fluency

Realistically, I should be spending my time learning Spanish. I'd get a chance to use it and practice daily - on and off for eight hours every work day. After all, I live in a part of the country that is unofficially bilingual (Unofficially because Americans can be xenophobic assholes - "You live in 'Merica. Speak the language!") and there are times that I feel woefully under-equipped linguistically. So, yes. Spanish would be the much better choice. And given that practice makes perfect, my fluency would increase very quickly.

I did same thing in high school. I eschewed all common sense and chose French as my foreign language. Yep. I grew up spitting distance from Mexico and lived in a community that was, much like Austin, unofficially bilingual, and I decided to spend four years studying a language I have yet to hear spoken live and in person. I had no particular affinity for France, no desire to travel, and my sister took French. That last one alone should have sent me running toward Spanish or German (the only other foreign languages taught at my high school). Eh, at the time I saw foreign language as merely a means to a couple important ends - i.e. a high school diploma and college acceptance. Turns out I got both. AND I managed to learn enough (Lord knows how - I spent more time fucking around in class with my friends than I did actually studying the language) to test out of the foreign language requirement at college.

Even though I essentially lucked into a Get Out of Foreign Language Card, what did I decide to take first semester of my freshman year of college? Russian. A couple weeks in, I realized that my language acquisition skills were hopelessly over-matched and somehow I managed to escape the term with a B-. Other than hello and thank you, I recall just one phrase from my time as Stasia in Russian I. I can say "I built the bomb at the secret institute" in passable Russian. Not that I'll ever be able to work it into conversation.

At that point in late 1987, I stopped studying languages all together for almost thirty years. Then I decided to go to Sweden. Even though nearly everyone in Sweden has at least some fluency in English, I thought it might be fun and convenient to know a few words and phrases before I went. I downloaded a couple apps for my phone and passed a beginner level class or two. I learned a bit of vocabulary and a few basic verb conjugations, enough, as I discovered, to read signs and menus and say please, thank you, and excuse me.

After spending nearly three weeks in Sweden in 2017, a few days in the spring of 2018, and with no solid plans to go back, I abandoned my studies. What was the point? I hadn't learned enough to actually speak it and the rest of Europe called. Croatia, Malta, Iceland, The Netherlands. These were the places I would travel to next. Sweden, as much as I loved it, was rear-view. Or so I thought.

Wait. Wait. Wait. 

Why? Wasn't my plan, my dream, my greatest wish to spend a significant portion of the rest of my life in Sweden? Wasn't Sweden where my soul found peace, the once place other than the road where I actually felt.....home? All these travels, they were just momentary, my desire to see the world. One day - if it all came together - my home base would be Sweden. Oh, I'd still travel - I am a nomad at heart - but somewhere in Sweden there'd be a little place where I stored my stuff, collected my mail and decompressed after a long stint on the road.

Long shot, right? I'm not going to disagree. So, how can I take action towards such a far-off, impossible-seeming goal when I'm living 5,249 miles (8,447 km) away in the middle of Texas? Easy. I'm studying the language. Trying to learn it. Trying to turn my abysmal language skills into a modicum of something that hedges on a teeny bit of fluency.

That may all sound crazy. Stacee spends time everyday - every damn day - studying a language she may never get to use when she could be studying Spanish, a language she would find immediately useful?  All. True. Look, if you haven't read enough of my blogs to know that I'm a couple standard deviations away from "most people", get reading. I have seldom, if ever, done what I'm supposed to do or what logic dictates that a sane person would do. Regardless, it's self-improvement, something we all can use a little more of.

A few other points for consideration -


  • Studying a foreign language is good for the brain. If you don't use it, you lose it. I promise you, learning Swedish uses my brain. I'm no better at languages than I was as a high school or college student. I'm just more motivated.


  • I love the language. Sometimes I listen to Swedish talk radio and turn off the subtitles on Swedish movies and TV shows because I simply want to listen to it spoken. As weird as it sounds, for me, Swedish is like a song I don't yet know the lyrics to. Listening and speaking in my classes brings me closer to understanding the mystery. Corny? Maybe, but it's honestly how I feel.


  • Get this - I want to learn so much that I'm actually considering a move to a part of the country where Swedish speakers are more common. My mom and sister probably think I want to move to Minnesota to be closer to them. Ok, that's part of it. But Minneapolis is home to the American Swedish Institute. Where they offer Swedish classes. Yes, I'm willing to put up with snow, ice, frigid temps (It helps that it's blazing hot in Texas right now) in order to learn a language. Moreover, I can fly ridiculously cheap to Scandinavia out of MSP and I'm pretty sure I'll be doing A LOT of that. I may have to trade my United miles card for a Delta one (Houston = United hub; Minneapolis/St. Paul = Delta hub), but that's easily do-able. 
Go ahead. Tell me I'm wasting my time. Maybe mention a Netflix series I should binge watch. How about this? You do you. I'll do me and maybe, just maybe, inch my way a little closer to making my dreams come true. Or not. At some point, I learned to do what I do because I enjoy doing it, not because I stand to gain anything tangible. I love traveling. I love writing. I love (to hate) running. I love playing tennis. I love studying Swedish. 

Remember, there's normal and then there's me. 

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