Jinxing the Jinx

So, today I wrote in my journal for the first time in 5-ish days. When I'm home and in my routine, I write every day. I hadn't had a journal in at least a decade until my girlfriend gave me one for Christmas. I'd been needing a reason/way to write every day and I got one. Miraculously, I quickly became pretty religious with it. Then this week happened. I'm in San Diego trying to get things with my dad situated (think eighty-nine, spicy red walker, and assisted living and you've got enough of the gist). Not so shockingly, writing hasn't exactly been a priority. Until today (I know - obviously, right?)

This afternoon I sat at a small table in a courtyard at Balboa Park and while sipping on an iced latte, I pulled out my journal. I intended to explain why I hadn't been writing and capture some of the emotion of the past week. Then, after a couple pages, I somehow segued and ended up talking about my latest burst of intuition. Which has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on with my dad.

A couple important things about my intuition:

1. It's almost never wrong. Like I can't recall a time when it was. I say "almost never" because maybe one time in elementary school, before I really honed the craft, it might have been wrong. I dunno. 
2. I never write about it. Not in any specific terms. Until it's vindicated. And even then I'm kinda hush-hush about the details. 

Then today happened. I wrote about it - in my journal (Nothing will be divulged here so if that's what you're waiting for you can stop reading) - and included a few kinda specific details. Ok, really specific details. Like names. All right. Name. Singular. I named name.

As soon as I pulled the pen away from the page, I realized what I'd done. My intuition is never wrong BUT I also never write about it. What if I jinxed myself? Trust me, THIS is NOT the time to fuck it up by doing something as stupid as writing it down. 

I talked about that, too, in the journal. I rationalized that if this particular intuition is right, then I need to have it written down somewhere or NO ONE will EVER believe me. "Yeah, riiiiight, Stacee. Suuuurrreee you did." So I wrote it in my journal where, arguably, I am the only person who will ever read it. Unless/until my intuition proves to be correct, of course. Then I just might show it off to the entire world. "Ha! Did so! That'll teach you to EVER doubt me again!"

Still, I'm a bit freaked out about it. So freaked out I'm telling myself - right now at this exact moment - that I never write without pants on and yet here I am writing without pants on  By this logic, sometimes you do things you never do and it turns out alright. I mean thus far the writing without pants is going ok. As long as my step-brother or his girlfriend don't walk into my bedroom unexpectedly. 

{For the record, I'm living out of a suitcase and I packed only so many pairs of shorts. I've worn all of them so until my laundry is done, I don't have any to wear. I did, as luck would have it, pack more than enough underwear. Not that you needed to know all that.}

So now I've publicly written about jinxing myself. Shouldn't that jinx the original jinx? I mean if there really is a jinx to jinx. It's all so confusing. 

Time will determine one of two things:

1. My intuition is freaking awesome.
2. I'm a complete fucking idiot for ever imagining what I intuited was at all possible. 

If I'm right, I'll let you know. If I'm wrong, well... I dunno. Won't be news to a lot of people that I'm a fucking idiot anyway.