Sandstorm
Eleven years ago today, I resolved something. I decided; I made a pact with myself. I was going to do something outside the box. Well, outside my box. I was going to stop procrastinating. I was going to say, 'Hello'. It sounds so simple. 'Hello' or maybe just 'Hi'. Or 'Hey'. I'm sure 'Hey' would have worked. Regardless, eleven years ago today (We can debate why I still remember the date or we can just let that part go. I'd prefer we let it go), I resolved to speak; say anything. 'Hello', 'Hi', and 'Hey' were probably the most logical choices. It would make sense to say any one of the three. That, a smile, and a little eye contact. That was the plan.
Did I follow through? No, but it wasn't my fault. I was ready, so ready, so very, very ready. And then... She spoke first. With my plan skittering uncontrollably away, I had to improvise. 'Hello', 'Hi', or 'Hey', the options I'd practiced, the options I was ready for, weren't going to work. She asked a question and I needed to answer. And make sense. And not stammer.
I'm glad I didn't realize then exactly what was on the line - This moment right here. The past eleven years. That's what was on the line. Everything. My answer would determine everything.
If I'd known ALL that, I'm sure I would have fucked it up. I'd have babbled or, worse, stood in stunned silence.
Instead, I held my fearlessness tightly with both hands and answered, 'It's 'Sandstorm' by DaRude'. Seriously. That's what I said. That's the phrase that decided the rest of my life.
At that point, I was off-script and off-plan. Speak and escape was no longer possible. I was in a conversation, a real, live conversation with the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. In my wildest dreams (not those kinds of dreams), I truly didn't expect her to speak. Well, except 'Hello', 'Hi', or 'Hey' back. Now, I was stuck. I was going to need words.
Looking back I only remember a little of what was said. What I should have done was squeeze my fearlessness a little tighter and ask, 'What are you doing tonight?' Instead, I chose 'Well, have a good weekend, if I don't see you.' Then I walked away. Seriously.
And y'all thought I became a dumbass just yesterday. Thankfully things worked out as they did or I might still be kicking myself. Funny thing, hindsight. She told me that she'd hoped I would ask her out. That night, that day, that moment, I could have asked the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen out on a date and she would have said 'Yes'.
Two days later, after the aforementioned 'good weekend', she asked me out. And we lived happily ever after.
Just not together.
Eleven years later I'm still living the life that started the moment she asked, 'What's song number five?' I also spend a good deal of time being a dumbass and grappling with my fearlessness. I haven't quite perfected them yet, but I have learned the lessons - Fear less, resolve, step outside the box, and do it.
Oh, and expect the unexpected. Always.
Did I follow through? No, but it wasn't my fault. I was ready, so ready, so very, very ready. And then... She spoke first. With my plan skittering uncontrollably away, I had to improvise. 'Hello', 'Hi', or 'Hey', the options I'd practiced, the options I was ready for, weren't going to work. She asked a question and I needed to answer. And make sense. And not stammer.
I'm glad I didn't realize then exactly what was on the line - This moment right here. The past eleven years. That's what was on the line. Everything. My answer would determine everything.
If I'd known ALL that, I'm sure I would have fucked it up. I'd have babbled or, worse, stood in stunned silence.
Instead, I held my fearlessness tightly with both hands and answered, 'It's 'Sandstorm' by DaRude'. Seriously. That's what I said. That's the phrase that decided the rest of my life.
At that point, I was off-script and off-plan. Speak and escape was no longer possible. I was in a conversation, a real, live conversation with the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. In my wildest dreams (not those kinds of dreams), I truly didn't expect her to speak. Well, except 'Hello', 'Hi', or 'Hey' back. Now, I was stuck. I was going to need words.
Looking back I only remember a little of what was said. What I should have done was squeeze my fearlessness a little tighter and ask, 'What are you doing tonight?' Instead, I chose 'Well, have a good weekend, if I don't see you.' Then I walked away. Seriously.
And y'all thought I became a dumbass just yesterday. Thankfully things worked out as they did or I might still be kicking myself. Funny thing, hindsight. She told me that she'd hoped I would ask her out. That night, that day, that moment, I could have asked the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen out on a date and she would have said 'Yes'.
Two days later, after the aforementioned 'good weekend', she asked me out. And we lived happily ever after.
Just not together.
Eleven years later I'm still living the life that started the moment she asked, 'What's song number five?' I also spend a good deal of time being a dumbass and grappling with my fearlessness. I haven't quite perfected them yet, but I have learned the lessons - Fear less, resolve, step outside the box, and do it.
Oh, and expect the unexpected. Always.
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