Confessions of a Non-Dater
I think I've officially come out as a non-dater. People don't get it. I promise you they don't. You there reading this are probably a bit dubious. Do people really not date? I mean single people. Attractive single people. Yes. I can tell you with the greatest confidence that there are people who simply choose not to date. Ok, so maybe I can't say 'people' but I can say 'person'. I know one person who doesn't date - me.
This didn't just happen yesterday. I'm not fresh from a nasty break-up and even nastier stint on The Break Up Diet. I haven't gotten a tattoo since February 2009. I'm sane and happy. My heart is not broken. And I haven't had a date in more than two years. In the beginning it really wasn't a choice per se. No one was asking, myself included, so I didn't date. I had crushes and people I thought I might like to date, but nothing ever materialized into reality. Dating just wasn't a priority and truthfully it never had been. I dated a couple guys in high school and another in grad school, then I had a couple girlfriends in my thirties. My last steady girlfriend (ie. non-Rodeo) was back in - I don't know - 2007 or maybe 2008. I've dated a couple women since then, but nothing I would call significant.
I'm sure if I put a little energy and enthusiasm into it, I could date and eventually find a girlfriend. I simply don't want to. I know this probably sounds strange to most people because most people want to date, get married, live happily ever after, and so on. I don't want any of that. I want to finish grad school, travel the world, write books, live in Scandinavia for awhile, run, and play a lot of tennis.
But Stacee, you could make room for someone in your life? Yeah, if I wanted to, sure. But I choose not to. These are my dreams. You get to have your own. Yours can include a significant other. Mine don't have to.
I'm not sure why I've been more vocal of late about my non-dating status. I guess it's just who I am. Eventually my truth has to come out. Once upon a time, I came out as a lesbian. Years later I came out as a non-Christian, then a few years after that I recanted and came out as a Christian. I'm also out as a non-reader (a writer who doesn't read? Shockingly true). I guess this is just my latest pronouncement, my latest little tidbit of truth.
I'm used to being different so the weird looks I get don't phase me at all. Try being lesbian and a non-Christian in East Texas. Yeah, the scrunched up noses I get over this dating thing are a walk in the park compared to that. That said, it has always amazed me that the majority of people are absolutely unable to take the role of the 'other'. I don't think people set out to be close-minded assholes, but they sure do end up seeming that way. They live in a bubble, insulated by their choices and values, and are woefully unprepared for difference.
Then I show up. Oops. Sorry. God bless, I don't expect them to live like me, so why do they expect me to live like them? Just once I'd like someone to say 'That's cool' when I explain that 'No, I don't have a partner; it's just a ring. And no, I'm not dating anyone because I don't date'. I'm so tired of shocked looks and placating statements about my looks, personality, and intelligence. So it's ok to not to date if you're ugly, mean, and/or stupid? I know plenty of people like that who date. A lot.
Wait. I should hold back my truth and stop telling people that I don't date? And endure the endless conversations about online dating sites, meet-up groups, and the best places to meet single lesbians that invariably come up? Yeah... No, thanks. I made up my mind long ago to stand, even if standing makes people uncomfortable. Because, really, I see this one as about 'them', not about me.
As I said before, this is familiar territory for me. I choose to be different. If that comes with a price - befuddled looks at best and a spritz with holy water at worst - so be it. And really, that last thing I want is for everyone to be like me. Well, except for the open-minded part. That, in fact, would be super cool.
This didn't just happen yesterday. I'm not fresh from a nasty break-up and even nastier stint on The Break Up Diet. I haven't gotten a tattoo since February 2009. I'm sane and happy. My heart is not broken. And I haven't had a date in more than two years. In the beginning it really wasn't a choice per se. No one was asking, myself included, so I didn't date. I had crushes and people I thought I might like to date, but nothing ever materialized into reality. Dating just wasn't a priority and truthfully it never had been. I dated a couple guys in high school and another in grad school, then I had a couple girlfriends in my thirties. My last steady girlfriend (ie. non-Rodeo) was back in - I don't know - 2007 or maybe 2008. I've dated a couple women since then, but nothing I would call significant.
I'm sure if I put a little energy and enthusiasm into it, I could date and eventually find a girlfriend. I simply don't want to. I know this probably sounds strange to most people because most people want to date, get married, live happily ever after, and so on. I don't want any of that. I want to finish grad school, travel the world, write books, live in Scandinavia for awhile, run, and play a lot of tennis.
But Stacee, you could make room for someone in your life? Yeah, if I wanted to, sure. But I choose not to. These are my dreams. You get to have your own. Yours can include a significant other. Mine don't have to.
I'm not sure why I've been more vocal of late about my non-dating status. I guess it's just who I am. Eventually my truth has to come out. Once upon a time, I came out as a lesbian. Years later I came out as a non-Christian, then a few years after that I recanted and came out as a Christian. I'm also out as a non-reader (a writer who doesn't read? Shockingly true). I guess this is just my latest pronouncement, my latest little tidbit of truth.
I'm used to being different so the weird looks I get don't phase me at all. Try being lesbian and a non-Christian in East Texas. Yeah, the scrunched up noses I get over this dating thing are a walk in the park compared to that. That said, it has always amazed me that the majority of people are absolutely unable to take the role of the 'other'. I don't think people set out to be close-minded assholes, but they sure do end up seeming that way. They live in a bubble, insulated by their choices and values, and are woefully unprepared for difference.
Then I show up. Oops. Sorry. God bless, I don't expect them to live like me, so why do they expect me to live like them? Just once I'd like someone to say 'That's cool' when I explain that 'No, I don't have a partner; it's just a ring. And no, I'm not dating anyone because I don't date'. I'm so tired of shocked looks and placating statements about my looks, personality, and intelligence. So it's ok to not to date if you're ugly, mean, and/or stupid? I know plenty of people like that who date. A lot.
Wait. I should hold back my truth and stop telling people that I don't date? And endure the endless conversations about online dating sites, meet-up groups, and the best places to meet single lesbians that invariably come up? Yeah... No, thanks. I made up my mind long ago to stand, even if standing makes people uncomfortable. Because, really, I see this one as about 'them', not about me.
As I said before, this is familiar territory for me. I choose to be different. If that comes with a price - befuddled looks at best and a spritz with holy water at worst - so be it. And really, that last thing I want is for everyone to be like me. Well, except for the open-minded part. That, in fact, would be super cool.
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