Just a Breadcrumb
How do you do it? Say it? Admit it? She asks and you say? Lies? Half truths? Things you vowed you would never do, never say...at least to her. But she asks. Ok, she hasn't yet, but she will. Well, she could. It's almost inevitable. And really, you want her to. Part of you wants her to. The courageous part. You just don't know how to answer. You'll need to answer. Bullshit her? Commit a sin of omission? Hum and haw? That won't fly. It won't. Because if it did, if you thought that might work with her, you never would have written what you wrote. You wouldn't be here. Writing this. Wondering about a what-if. A potential inevitability. You know, if she ever sees, it she's going to ask.
What if she doesn't...? Ask, I mean. What if she sees it and doesn't ask the question (Hell, knowing her there could be multiple questions, lots of them. Under normal circumstances. This is far from normal, though, thankfully?) Jesus, what if.... What if she lets it go? Shrugs and moves on, doesn't ask? Or worse, much worse, she gets it, really gets it, and the only thought she can think is a head-shaking-friendship-shattering WTF? She doesn't need to ask. She knows. And.......walks away. Never looks back.
So where are you right now, in this moment? What's the real choice? Show her? Let her find it? Eventually she will. Probably anyway. I mean she could. Realistically. It's out there. In multiple places, places she knows about. And may or may not check, look at, dig that deeply into. Let it be then? Maybe she'll never see it. You can hold your breath and hope.
Take it down? You could. Deleting is easy. Sometimes too easy. But it's good. It's really good. You want people to read it. You want her to read it. You're proud of it and if it was about anything (I mean literally anything) else, you would have sent it to her immediately. She's that friend. She reads; she's read. Just not this.
God. Not. This. F*** f*** f***
And now there's this. It's a f***ing breadcrumb. A map with everything except the ultimate destination marked with a big X. Clues abound. She's smart. Too smart. Yes, perhaps. No, definitely. Too smart. For my own good. Probably for hers, too.
I could not post this one. I could keep it right here in draft status, safely in draft status, until forever. I have hundreds of drafts languishing, most I'll never finish or post. What's one more? But...Something draws me in, tempts me. Post it, Stacee. Just do it. Be courageous. Live dangerously. Get it out there. Come on...all you have to do is hit "Publish." There is something that is absolutely and unequivocally wrong with that. Don't do it.
Do it.
No.
What if?
But what if..................?
What if she doesn't...? Ask, I mean. What if she sees it and doesn't ask the question (Hell, knowing her there could be multiple questions, lots of them. Under normal circumstances. This is far from normal, though, thankfully?) Jesus, what if.... What if she lets it go? Shrugs and moves on, doesn't ask? Or worse, much worse, she gets it, really gets it, and the only thought she can think is a head-shaking-friendship-shattering WTF? She doesn't need to ask. She knows. And.......walks away. Never looks back.
So where are you right now, in this moment? What's the real choice? Show her? Let her find it? Eventually she will. Probably anyway. I mean she could. Realistically. It's out there. In multiple places, places she knows about. And may or may not check, look at, dig that deeply into. Let it be then? Maybe she'll never see it. You can hold your breath and hope.
Take it down? You could. Deleting is easy. Sometimes too easy. But it's good. It's really good. You want people to read it. You want her to read it. You're proud of it and if it was about anything (I mean literally anything) else, you would have sent it to her immediately. She's that friend. She reads; she's read. Just not this.
God. Not. This. F*** f*** f***
And now there's this. It's a f***ing breadcrumb. A map with everything except the ultimate destination marked with a big X. Clues abound. She's smart. Too smart. Yes, perhaps. No, definitely. Too smart. For my own good. Probably for hers, too.
I could not post this one. I could keep it right here in draft status, safely in draft status, until forever. I have hundreds of drafts languishing, most I'll never finish or post. What's one more? But...Something draws me in, tempts me. Post it, Stacee. Just do it. Be courageous. Live dangerously. Get it out there. Come on...all you have to do is hit "Publish." There is something that is absolutely and unequivocally wrong with that. Don't do it.
Do it.
No.
What if?
But what if..................?
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