Somewhere In Time

-
It's been nearly fifteen years. For some reason, October sticks in my mind. Even though I knew the instant I saw her that my life had changed, that I would never be the same again, I didn't take note of the date. I wish I had.

You see, that was the day I experienced what I thought I would never experience. I thought it was the thing of fairy tales and romance novels and complete bullshit. Then I saw her and I knew. Love at first sight happens. It actually happens because it happened to me.

I've written around our story many times - some say too many times - so I feel like it's common knowledge. It took months to work up the courage to speak to her, but merely an instant to fall in love with her. I can still see that moment as clearly as if it had just happened last night.

There are those who will read this and insist that I am still in love with her. I can assure you, I'm not and I haven't been for quite some time now. That was a tough one for me - the falling out of love. I'm sure it took far longer than it should have. Some say I should have hated her; some say I still should. And yet...I never have and never will.

In the intervening years, I've grown and changed. She's grown and changed. We've grown and changed. Our love has grown and changed, assuredly in ways we never would have imaged. However, I believe we love each other more now, more freely, more intensely than we ever have. Sometimes it's better to love than to be in love.

In many ways, she has been in every breath I have taken since that first moment, in every beat of my heart. She is The One, was The One, will always be The One. I used to think I had to be with her (it's probably why the falling out of love took so damn long). After all, aren't we supposed to be with The One?

Time has a way of bringing perspective. I was with The One and that's a lot more than most people have the courage to experience. And it does take courage to risk everything - every part of your body, mind, and soul - to have (even for the shortest moment) everything. I did that. She did that. We did that.

Somewhere in time, we are still those girls, far more innocent and far more daring than the women we are today. Somewhere in time Sarah still plays in the background. Somewhere in time, I am still in love with her and she is still in love with me.

And that's good enough for me. So much more than good enough, really. I like who we are today, nearly fifteen years later - friends who have come through a bit of heaven and hell together, friends who share an abiding trust, friends who will always love each other unconditionally.

Sometimes it's better to love than to be in love...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Biggest Fan

-
It comes for all of us. If we're lucky. Right now, I'm not sure I feel lucky, but I know in the days, weeks, months, and years to come, I will come to realize that I am. Or I was. My parents are elderly, eighty-four and ninety-two. From where I'm sitting at the moment - my mother's hospital room - it's doubtful that my mom will reach tomorrow, much less eighty-five, So here I sit. And write...while  my biggest fan lays a few feet away snoring like a freight train. Her snores mean she's still alive so rather than drowning them out with music, I listen, Intently. Because each one could be her last. It's the drugs - her pain was pretty severe - making her sleep so soundly. These same drugs, the ones that keep the pain at bay, may also hasten her death. Her decision. She's been kicking cancer's a** for the past seven years. My mom's no sissy; she can endure. But this isn't the cancer, the known quantity. This is an aneurysm, a ticking time bomb
Read more

Be That Person

-
 A friend texted me last night. Her almost twelve year old son is starting middle school today and she was more than a little stressed. I guess it's somewhat normal for parents to be nervous about such milestones in their children's lives. I mean sixth grade means a bigger school, perhaps switching classrooms, more complex homework assignments, etc, etc. I'm sure there's also some wistfulness about the whole thing. The "My baby's growing up" kinda thing. My friend's concerns last night (and again this morning) were far larger. You see, her son is different. He always has been. Not only is he on "the spectrum," he also has Tourettte's. And he's on the fringes of non-binary. Plus, he lives on the border of Texas and Arkansas in a place that is far from open-minded and falls just below marginally accepting. This is the land of conservative politics (ie Trump), gun rights, big religion, and the concomitant "family values" that i
Read more

A Little Unsteady

-
"Hold onto me...cuz I'm a little unsteady..." It's the first song that popped up on Pandora tonight. Kismet? Serendipity? I don't know. I had another opening line all picked out (and I'm sure I'll get to it in a bit), but sometimes...sometimes the Universe has other plans. Other ideas. Other directions. And often it's right. Absolutely, perfect right. Like tonight...today...all of it... I was unsteady. I am unsteady. For the first time nearly five years. Five years . This, of course, isn't a lying, narcissistic girlfriend or a bad break up of any kind. And for that I am thankful (Not that I couldn't use a nifty stint on the Break Up Diet). In many ways, it's something worse. Much, much worse. I'm being pulled in two directions, veritably (though not literally...physically speaking anyway) torn in two. It's not news that I'm moving to Las Vegas next month. In fact, I leave one month from today with the first load of my life.
Read more