The Sounds of Silence
The Sounds of Silence
People ask me why I'm not writing. I have several reasons. First of all, it's winter break and I spend enough time writing during the semester. Secondly, my computer has been sucking lately. Above all, though, I just don't like what I'd write. And I'm sure the ones asking after it wouldn't like it much either.
I'm not in a bad place. I'm in a place. It's a familiar one. One that has me asking friends to remind me that I'm a survivor. Deep inside, I know I am. But in this place, I need the reminder. I need to hear it or read it in a text. I need someone to tell me that I've made it through before and I will again.
Love is fickle. Not my love. My love is solid, sure, and unwavering. Until it has to become less solid, less sure, and waver a little. Mind you, it's never by my choice, the wavering. I do it for sanity. And to not seem overly pathetic. They make the choice, they become fickle and I am left with one choice and one choice alone - waver. Give it up. Give them up.
So no... I suspect no one wants to know about this. No one wants to witness the pain or the sorrow. No one wants to know that I'd rather walk naked through a vat of broken glass than experience the emotional agony that consumes my soul. No one wants to know my struggle to re-plan my life yet again. No one wants to know about the void I feel. No one.
I don't blame them. Some of my readers might feel culpable or even responsible. That's why I do my best to keep up a good front. I cry alone and suffer silently. I endure the darkness and hope to find the light again soon. I always have before and expect to again.
All that said, I do have a few observations about human nature that I would like to share. Again, some won't want to read these or know what I'm thinking.
1) Courage is rare.
2) Everyone wants something but few are willing to do anything about it.
3) People may hate the status quo but they hate change even more.
I think that explains pretty well why I'm not going to write until the semester starts and I have to or until I find myself in a better place. As a final explanation for my disinclination, I will close with the Haiku I was inspired to write this evening -
I muster a smile
From the depths of the darkness
And feign happiness.
You see, silence is probably for the best.
People ask me why I'm not writing. I have several reasons. First of all, it's winter break and I spend enough time writing during the semester. Secondly, my computer has been sucking lately. Above all, though, I just don't like what I'd write. And I'm sure the ones asking after it wouldn't like it much either.
I'm not in a bad place. I'm in a place. It's a familiar one. One that has me asking friends to remind me that I'm a survivor. Deep inside, I know I am. But in this place, I need the reminder. I need to hear it or read it in a text. I need someone to tell me that I've made it through before and I will again.
Love is fickle. Not my love. My love is solid, sure, and unwavering. Until it has to become less solid, less sure, and waver a little. Mind you, it's never by my choice, the wavering. I do it for sanity. And to not seem overly pathetic. They make the choice, they become fickle and I am left with one choice and one choice alone - waver. Give it up. Give them up.
So no... I suspect no one wants to know about this. No one wants to witness the pain or the sorrow. No one wants to know that I'd rather walk naked through a vat of broken glass than experience the emotional agony that consumes my soul. No one wants to know my struggle to re-plan my life yet again. No one wants to know about the void I feel. No one.
I don't blame them. Some of my readers might feel culpable or even responsible. That's why I do my best to keep up a good front. I cry alone and suffer silently. I endure the darkness and hope to find the light again soon. I always have before and expect to again.
All that said, I do have a few observations about human nature that I would like to share. Again, some won't want to read these or know what I'm thinking.
1) Courage is rare.
2) Everyone wants something but few are willing to do anything about it.
3) People may hate the status quo but they hate change even more.
I think that explains pretty well why I'm not going to write until the semester starts and I have to or until I find myself in a better place. As a final explanation for my disinclination, I will close with the Haiku I was inspired to write this evening -
I muster a smile
From the depths of the darkness
And feign happiness.
You see, silence is probably for the best.
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