A Small Slice

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I have been lucky enough to have two beautiful women call me 'the love of their life'. I have been unlucky enough that both chose other paths, paths that did not include me. I ask myself over and over again. Why? Why? Why? Why? Most people kill themselves trying to find great love and when they do, they grab on with both hands so it doesn't get away. And yet these two women, who said they couldn't live without me, are. I'm a forty-four year old realist and I know with the greatest certainty that there are only a few things a human being can't live without and none of them are another human being. Oxygen, warmth, food, water... These are the keys to survival. All that aside, I did (errantly) have the expectation that they would want to be with me. After all, doesn't everyone want to spend the rest of their life with the love of their life? I know I do.

I'm a serial non-dater, so much so that I generally tell people that I don't date. It cuts nicely to the chase and as such helps me avoid an untold amount of bullshit. I'm happy alone; I prefer it honestly. I get to lead my life, live where I want, and do what I want. I never have to think of anyone except myself. That said, as much as I enjoy my single life, I have twice chosen to give it up and made promises that included the words 'love' and 'forever'. I was able to do this because I found a love so great that I never wanted to let it go, a love so great I was willing to change my life for it.

Eh...

I guess I paid too much attention to fairy tales as a kid. I actually believed that love was the greatest pursuit. And when you found THAT LOVE, that amazing, all-consuming 'love of your life' kind of love, you at least tried for happily ever after. Maybe some people don't like happy, maybe others prefer normal, maybe others just simply don't trust. On these things I can only speculate because I truly don't know what makes people do what they do.

I may not know others, but I do know me. People have often accused me of being jaded, cynical even. In truth, I'm neither. The way I see it,  I've been lucky twice so maybe I'll get lucky a third time. And maybe the third time will be the charm. I'm not going to rush out and turn over every rock looking, but when I find that kind of love again, I'm going to do what I always do - Hope for at least a small slice of happily ever after.

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