Why I Watch Crappy Movies
I watched a re-run of the movie 'Cocktail' last night on some movie channel. It might have been Showtime or Encore. Who knows really, there are so many these days. I know for a fact that I hadn't seen the movie in decades, a fact that makes me feel pretty old. I've been alive enough decades to not watch a movie for decades. Yipes. Well, 'Cocktail', classic that it is, came out in the summer of 1988 (thank you, Wikipedia for the information). I knew it came out when I was in college because one of my college friends and I used to play the soundtrack over and over, along with the soundtracks for 'Dirty Dancing' and 'Top Gun'. She had them on CD, I was still buying mostly cassette tapes. Yes, it was assuredly the 80s.
I gotta tell you, 'Cocktail' didn't get any better since my last viewing. It was never a great movie, ever. It had Tom Cruise (and Elisabeth Shue...more on that in a moment) and that was apparently plenty back in the day. I suppose there are movies like that today with Matthew McConaughey or Ryan Reynolds in the lead - infinitesimally stupid movies with crappy plots and catchy soundtracks - that draw in viewers simply because the guys are fun to look at. I know for a fact I've seen a couple (reference 'Magic Mike').
Interestingly, I was no different than most of my girlfriends back in the day, current sexuality notwithstanding of course. I know my best college friend, Jeanine, and I watched 'Dirty Dancing' and 'Top Gun' over and over again on bootleg VHS tapes in the Occidental College library (the only place with a VCR in those days) ostensibly because of Tom Cruise and Patrick Swayze. Ostensibly. I know that was her motivation and outwardly it was mine.
Now in the 80s I was far from out. I didn't acknowledge my sexuality until the late 90s, so at the time I could recite 'Top Gun' and 'Dirty Dancing' by heart I was still straight. And I was. I wasn't kidding myself or hiding anything. As far as I knew I was straight.
Then why did I often overlook the male leads in favor of their female counterparts, Jennifer Gray (Baby in 'Dirty Dancing') and Kelly McGillis (Charlie in 'Top Gun'...who was straight at the time and is also now out)? And why did I see 'Cocktail' more than once? I promise you, it was not because of Tom Cruise. Or the soundtrack. It was because of Elisabeth Shue.
Looking back, hindsight is of course 20-20 and at the time I wouldn't have called them 'crushes'. They were more like the 'Bro-mances' guys have with other guys these days. They aren't gay and surely don't want to sleep with Bradley Cooper, but they'd love to drink beer and watch football with him. Similarly, I really, really liked Kelly and Jennifer and Elisabeth. At the time, I didn't want to sleep with them - I wasn't 'there' yet - but I did want to hangout with them, even if they were on a TV and I was huddled in an uncomfortable chair in the college library.
Fast forward to last night... With all the choices I had (and I had quite a few at 9:30pm on a Saturday night), why did I choose to watch a re-run of 'Cocktail', with it's bubble gum plot and even more bubble gum soundtrack? Hint: It's the same reason why I have a renewed interest in 'CSI'. Ok, one more hint: It's the same reason I watched it more than once years ago. Let me come clean. Twenty-five years later, I still have a 'thing' for Elisabeth Shue. Yes. For real. These days it's not exactly a 'Bro-mance', but I'm not sure I'd call it a crush either.
Ok, call it a crush. The funny thing is that I've seen 'Top Gun' and 'Dirty Dancing' several times in the last decade, but Kelly and Jennifer don't do a thing for me anymore. I'm honestly not sure what I saw in them. Elisabeth can hang her hat on that one. Decades later, she's still got it.
I imagine a few of you out there are wondering how I missed it. Why didn't I know that I was gay back then? I was clearly infatuated with women, more so than I was infatuated with men. Shouldn't that have sent up a signal flag? Why was I hiding? The fact is that I wasn't hiding. I didn't know. I didn't think of these women sexually (of course, I didn't think of the men sexually either), even though it seems that I was attracted to them. And I guess I was. I probably should have known but it wasn't anything I ever thought about. I never defined any of the many crushes I had on women in high school and college as crushes. Pity that, I'm sure, but as I always like to say, it was what it was. We can't go making it something it wasn't. And it wasn't, I assure you.
So, I sat through 'Cocktail' again last night. Then I watched another clunker with minimal plot - the remake of 'Total Recall'. It clunked away and I persevered, right up until the credits rolled at 1:00am. Let me tell you that any movie with Kate Beckinsale AND Jessica Biel doesn't need much of a plot. 'Set design' is plenty for me. I may have changed, but I haven't really changed. Women are still why I watch crappy movies. Period.
I gotta tell you, 'Cocktail' didn't get any better since my last viewing. It was never a great movie, ever. It had Tom Cruise (and Elisabeth Shue...more on that in a moment) and that was apparently plenty back in the day. I suppose there are movies like that today with Matthew McConaughey or Ryan Reynolds in the lead - infinitesimally stupid movies with crappy plots and catchy soundtracks - that draw in viewers simply because the guys are fun to look at. I know for a fact I've seen a couple (reference 'Magic Mike').
Interestingly, I was no different than most of my girlfriends back in the day, current sexuality notwithstanding of course. I know my best college friend, Jeanine, and I watched 'Dirty Dancing' and 'Top Gun' over and over again on bootleg VHS tapes in the Occidental College library (the only place with a VCR in those days) ostensibly because of Tom Cruise and Patrick Swayze. Ostensibly. I know that was her motivation and outwardly it was mine.
Now in the 80s I was far from out. I didn't acknowledge my sexuality until the late 90s, so at the time I could recite 'Top Gun' and 'Dirty Dancing' by heart I was still straight. And I was. I wasn't kidding myself or hiding anything. As far as I knew I was straight.
Then why did I often overlook the male leads in favor of their female counterparts, Jennifer Gray (Baby in 'Dirty Dancing') and Kelly McGillis (Charlie in 'Top Gun'...who was straight at the time and is also now out)? And why did I see 'Cocktail' more than once? I promise you, it was not because of Tom Cruise. Or the soundtrack. It was because of Elisabeth Shue.
Looking back, hindsight is of course 20-20 and at the time I wouldn't have called them 'crushes'. They were more like the 'Bro-mances' guys have with other guys these days. They aren't gay and surely don't want to sleep with Bradley Cooper, but they'd love to drink beer and watch football with him. Similarly, I really, really liked Kelly and Jennifer and Elisabeth. At the time, I didn't want to sleep with them - I wasn't 'there' yet - but I did want to hangout with them, even if they were on a TV and I was huddled in an uncomfortable chair in the college library.
Fast forward to last night... With all the choices I had (and I had quite a few at 9:30pm on a Saturday night), why did I choose to watch a re-run of 'Cocktail', with it's bubble gum plot and even more bubble gum soundtrack? Hint: It's the same reason why I have a renewed interest in 'CSI'. Ok, one more hint: It's the same reason I watched it more than once years ago. Let me come clean. Twenty-five years later, I still have a 'thing' for Elisabeth Shue. Yes. For real. These days it's not exactly a 'Bro-mance', but I'm not sure I'd call it a crush either.
Ok, call it a crush. The funny thing is that I've seen 'Top Gun' and 'Dirty Dancing' several times in the last decade, but Kelly and Jennifer don't do a thing for me anymore. I'm honestly not sure what I saw in them. Elisabeth can hang her hat on that one. Decades later, she's still got it.
I imagine a few of you out there are wondering how I missed it. Why didn't I know that I was gay back then? I was clearly infatuated with women, more so than I was infatuated with men. Shouldn't that have sent up a signal flag? Why was I hiding? The fact is that I wasn't hiding. I didn't know. I didn't think of these women sexually (of course, I didn't think of the men sexually either), even though it seems that I was attracted to them. And I guess I was. I probably should have known but it wasn't anything I ever thought about. I never defined any of the many crushes I had on women in high school and college as crushes. Pity that, I'm sure, but as I always like to say, it was what it was. We can't go making it something it wasn't. And it wasn't, I assure you.
So, I sat through 'Cocktail' again last night. Then I watched another clunker with minimal plot - the remake of 'Total Recall'. It clunked away and I persevered, right up until the credits rolled at 1:00am. Let me tell you that any movie with Kate Beckinsale AND Jessica Biel doesn't need much of a plot. 'Set design' is plenty for me. I may have changed, but I haven't really changed. Women are still why I watch crappy movies. Period.
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