It's Just That Easy
I'm easy going. In fact, I just might be the most easy going person anyone will ever meet. It's not that I don't care. I simply pick my battles because I know with the greatest certainty that other people care more than I do. And really, in the grander scheme of things, what does any of it matter anyway? Force my will and go ten rounds over where we're going to have lunch or what movie to watch? Yeah, it's not going to happen. It's just that easy.
I'm blessed with a unique life. Ninety-eight percent of the time I spend away from work I can do what I want when I want. I don't know many people who can say that. They have to answer to someone - spouse, partner, significant other, children, parent, moody, possessive cat. I have two dogs and a roommate who don't give a rip what I do (well, as long as I serve breakfast by 6:30am, the dogs don't care what I do the rest of the day). This means that I am free - free to eat what I want, drink what I want, watch what I want, listen to what I want, do what I want, and go where I want. I never have to jockey for position or compete to get my whims and wishes fulfilled. It's just that easy.
Because of this amazing freedom, I'm a good friend to have. I realize that others aren't as lucky as I am. They are restricted and constricted and hanging out with me is probably about as 'free' as they get. So, when I say 'it's up to you' or 'you choose' or 'I don't care', I really mean it. As long as the menu includes at least one non-fish option and I'm not required to bungy jump off of anything, I'm good. What's one lunch or dinner or movie in the grander scheme of things? Remember I get to do what I want to do when I want to do it ninety-eight percent of the time. In other words, tomorrow is another day. If I'm hungry for pizza, I can have pizza for dinner or for lunch the next day. If I'd rather go hiking than canoeing, I can hike before or after or on my next day off. It's just that easy.
And really, let's be honest. Most people only give others the illusion of choice. When they say 'you pick' what they are really saying 'pick someplace you know I want to to go'. When you pick pizza instead of Chinese, they get that deflated look and exhale dejectedly. 'Man, I've been craving Chinese buffet all week'. Christ on a pogo stick. Why didn't you just say that? Why did you say 'you pick' when you had absolutely no intention of going where I wanted? Unless I'd chosen Chinese of course. Why not say 'Hey, I've been craving Chinese. What do you think?'? If I'm the friend, I'm going to capitulate and agree even if I had Chinese twice the day before. No harm, no foul, no fuss, no muss. Again, it's just that easy.
Case in point, I have a friend who grandly states that she 'doesn't choose'. Make no mistake - she chooses. At first, I thought this might be a breath of fresh air. For once, it might be easy. We could essentially go anywhere. When told to choose, I wouldn't have to rack my brain trying to remember what she'd eaten recently so I could pick something different. I could relax and enjoy the freedom of choice. Yeah... Not so much. One day I pulled into Dairy Queen. What did she say? 'I really wanted a taco salad from that Mexican place'. Fuck, really. Why didn't you just say that? 'Because I don't like to choose'. She may not like to choose, but she sure likes to get her own way. I learned a valuable lesson that day - Make a quick choice, wait for her to say she wants something else, and go there. It's just that easy.
I used to get aggravated with friends like this then I realized it's not worth the energy. By and large, people aren't trying to be assholes; they just come across that way. The way I see it, ninety-eight percent of people either never get their own way or always get their own way. Neither leaves much wiggle room. When away from their usual restrictions, people who never get their own way see an opening, a chance win for once. They can have what they want when they want it, even if it's just a simple lunch date, and they are prepared to fight to the death to get it. On the other hand, people who always get their own way, always get their own way. They don't think about 'fighting' or 'winning'. Without a doubt, they know that they're going to get what they want when they want it. Those with people skills ask before telling, but I assure you - they will get their way. They always do. It's just that easy.
'Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em'. As a rule, I always fold. I wish I was a mind reader so when I asked to choose, I could just say what they're thinking and be done with it. That really would be just that easy. In truth, I may want something different but it's never worth the trouble. Go where they want, when they want. It's a good rule. Which is probably partly why I spend ninety-eight percent of my time alone. I like to do what I want when I want, just like everyone else. I simply choose not to bring others along for the ride. If I'm craving Chinese (like I was yesterday), I'm not going to invite a friend to lunch and tell them to choose. I'm going to get in my car and head to the closest Chinese restaurant. Likwise, if I want to see a certain movie or run a certain route, I go. It's just that easy.
Others, though, don't enjoy the freedom I have. They either can't be alone or can't be alone. By this I mean that they are constantly accountable to someone - spouse, children, parent, etc - or that they lack the emotional and spiritual ability to be physically alone. Because I know how lucky I am on both counts, I'm able to be easy going in my friendships. Want pizza? Cool. Want to see the latest Nicholas Sparks movie? Ugh... Let's go. It's just a meal or a few hours out of my life. And really, it's the friendship that matters, so why not just do what they want? It's just that easy.
I'm blessed with a unique life. Ninety-eight percent of the time I spend away from work I can do what I want when I want. I don't know many people who can say that. They have to answer to someone - spouse, partner, significant other, children, parent, moody, possessive cat. I have two dogs and a roommate who don't give a rip what I do (well, as long as I serve breakfast by 6:30am, the dogs don't care what I do the rest of the day). This means that I am free - free to eat what I want, drink what I want, watch what I want, listen to what I want, do what I want, and go where I want. I never have to jockey for position or compete to get my whims and wishes fulfilled. It's just that easy.
Because of this amazing freedom, I'm a good friend to have. I realize that others aren't as lucky as I am. They are restricted and constricted and hanging out with me is probably about as 'free' as they get. So, when I say 'it's up to you' or 'you choose' or 'I don't care', I really mean it. As long as the menu includes at least one non-fish option and I'm not required to bungy jump off of anything, I'm good. What's one lunch or dinner or movie in the grander scheme of things? Remember I get to do what I want to do when I want to do it ninety-eight percent of the time. In other words, tomorrow is another day. If I'm hungry for pizza, I can have pizza for dinner or for lunch the next day. If I'd rather go hiking than canoeing, I can hike before or after or on my next day off. It's just that easy.
And really, let's be honest. Most people only give others the illusion of choice. When they say 'you pick' what they are really saying 'pick someplace you know I want to to go'. When you pick pizza instead of Chinese, they get that deflated look and exhale dejectedly. 'Man, I've been craving Chinese buffet all week'. Christ on a pogo stick. Why didn't you just say that? Why did you say 'you pick' when you had absolutely no intention of going where I wanted? Unless I'd chosen Chinese of course. Why not say 'Hey, I've been craving Chinese. What do you think?'? If I'm the friend, I'm going to capitulate and agree even if I had Chinese twice the day before. No harm, no foul, no fuss, no muss. Again, it's just that easy.
Case in point, I have a friend who grandly states that she 'doesn't choose'. Make no mistake - she chooses. At first, I thought this might be a breath of fresh air. For once, it might be easy. We could essentially go anywhere. When told to choose, I wouldn't have to rack my brain trying to remember what she'd eaten recently so I could pick something different. I could relax and enjoy the freedom of choice. Yeah... Not so much. One day I pulled into Dairy Queen. What did she say? 'I really wanted a taco salad from that Mexican place'. Fuck, really. Why didn't you just say that? 'Because I don't like to choose'. She may not like to choose, but she sure likes to get her own way. I learned a valuable lesson that day - Make a quick choice, wait for her to say she wants something else, and go there. It's just that easy.
I used to get aggravated with friends like this then I realized it's not worth the energy. By and large, people aren't trying to be assholes; they just come across that way. The way I see it, ninety-eight percent of people either never get their own way or always get their own way. Neither leaves much wiggle room. When away from their usual restrictions, people who never get their own way see an opening, a chance win for once. They can have what they want when they want it, even if it's just a simple lunch date, and they are prepared to fight to the death to get it. On the other hand, people who always get their own way, always get their own way. They don't think about 'fighting' or 'winning'. Without a doubt, they know that they're going to get what they want when they want it. Those with people skills ask before telling, but I assure you - they will get their way. They always do. It's just that easy.
'Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em'. As a rule, I always fold. I wish I was a mind reader so when I asked to choose, I could just say what they're thinking and be done with it. That really would be just that easy. In truth, I may want something different but it's never worth the trouble. Go where they want, when they want. It's a good rule. Which is probably partly why I spend ninety-eight percent of my time alone. I like to do what I want when I want, just like everyone else. I simply choose not to bring others along for the ride. If I'm craving Chinese (like I was yesterday), I'm not going to invite a friend to lunch and tell them to choose. I'm going to get in my car and head to the closest Chinese restaurant. Likwise, if I want to see a certain movie or run a certain route, I go. It's just that easy.
Others, though, don't enjoy the freedom I have. They either can't be alone or can't be alone. By this I mean that they are constantly accountable to someone - spouse, children, parent, etc - or that they lack the emotional and spiritual ability to be physically alone. Because I know how lucky I am on both counts, I'm able to be easy going in my friendships. Want pizza? Cool. Want to see the latest Nicholas Sparks movie? Ugh... Let's go. It's just a meal or a few hours out of my life. And really, it's the friendship that matters, so why not just do what they want? It's just that easy.
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