The Introverted Runner
I know many people - some who profess to know me VERY well - that have no idea I'm an introvert. I do my best to fake it so I don't blame them for thinking I'm something I'm not. And really after so many years in teaching, training, coaching, working retail, and doing customer service, I've gotten pretty good at it. In the professional world. In my private life? Yeah....I'm kind of sucky. I don't do well in new situations with new people. Hell, I don't do well in old situations with people I've known for ages. It's just not in my wheel-house, so to speak. I prefer alone and the quietude of my own thoughts. And the comfort of my routine. Let's not forget that.
So, imagine my surprise when I heard my voice invite a friend's son to run with me. Then when he took me up on it? Oy. What in the hell was I thinking??? He's in town from Florida visiting his mom and started running competitively last year. I knew some of his times (His mom is VERY proud of him) and thought we'd run well together. And besides, a little company on my weekly long run could be nice....right? In theory. Until theory approached an unavoidable reality.
But I'd been wanting/trying to step outside my introversion. I don't know when - Spring sometime, I think - I decided that I needed to do a better job of letting people in. At the very least, I needed to shed my self-imposed armor and experience something or someone outside of myself. On occasion. Maybe. And thus far, it's worked out ok enough. Didn't I just meet a couple co-workers at the bouldering gym last week and have a blast? Haven't I enjoyed meeting other friends for coffee and conversation many times in the past months?
People run with people ALL THE TIME and survive the experience. Their psyches don't end up shattered. They don't curl up into the fetal position. I'd managed before and odds were I would again. It's just that - in general - I prefer to run alone (unless I'm in a strange city and have no idea where to run). Especially my once weekly long runs. I've been working on things, psychological things, and I needed to focus. Specifically, I've been working on pushing the limits of my comfort zone and wanted to -- Wait. What?
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Running with someone was outside my comfort zone. And hadn't I said that I hoped pushing the limits while running would inspire me to push the limits in other facets of my life?
That's why at 6:45 this morning in the near darkness of the Austin High School parking lot I introduced myself to my friend's son. If you don't try - if you don't push - you don't know. Seriously, I had nothing to fear. That's the great thing about sport - tennis, climbing, running, you name it - there's an immediate common frame of reference. I knew this going in, but still... We ran twelve miles and spent nearly two hours together between the run, water breaks, and cooling off afterwards and never stopped talking. Ok, maybe for a few steps every once and awhile to catch our breath, but not for long. Something would come to mind - races, running, travel, family - and the conversation would continue.
Deep inside I knew that's how it would go. I have an uncanny knack for being able to talk to anyone. Finding common ground is easy and people, for the most part, love to tell stories and talk about themselves. And - for the most part - I enjoy doing the same. Once I get there.
Today's experience reminded me that I used to like running with other people. Back in the day, I did the majority of my daily training alone, but usually once or twice a week I'd head out with a friend or one of my students (As a Kinesiology grad student, I taught a jogging class and met some really good former high school runners). Plus, every Sunday I met up for a ten mile run with a couple of my professors and some of their friends. There were all guys and all significantly older than me, and yet we always had something to talk about (when they weren't pulling branches down in front of my face or shoving me around to "toughen me up for races.") Running with others made me a better runner. Most of the guys I ran with were more experienced and better runners. They'd push the pace and I'd have to fight to keep up. Other times, I'd run with slower runners and help them push their limits. I realized today that I miss that.
The thing is, though.................. I'm different than I used to be. I'm more outgoing and self-assured but, at the same time, I've grown more introverted. It's strange, I know. The intervening twenty-plus years have taught me that holding the world at arm's length is a helluva lot safer than the inverse. I can be outgoing - pretend to be extroverted - and still retreat into my voluminous cloak of introversion when needed. I think what I'm learning is that I've defined "when needed" too broadly over the years. I have close friends but few that are geographically close. I hide behind my routines, plans, and silence. I keep the world at a distance. But do I need to? Do I need to push people away? Do I need to feel apprehensive about a run with a friend's son?
I made a new friend this morning. My friend's son is now my friend. In a way, I suppose that's my answer. Perhaps it's time to break away from all that I've clung to for so long and meet some new people. Push the limits of my comfort zone. Run. Talk. Chances are pretty good I won't die, right? James, my new friend, recommended that I try searching Strava for running groups near me. You know what? I think I will.
Just not right now today. I gotta work up to it. The idea kinda makes me feel nauseous at the moment. Not to worry. I'm goal-directed. I'll get there.
So, imagine my surprise when I heard my voice invite a friend's son to run with me. Then when he took me up on it? Oy. What in the hell was I thinking??? He's in town from Florida visiting his mom and started running competitively last year. I knew some of his times (His mom is VERY proud of him) and thought we'd run well together. And besides, a little company on my weekly long run could be nice....right? In theory. Until theory approached an unavoidable reality.
But I'd been wanting/trying to step outside my introversion. I don't know when - Spring sometime, I think - I decided that I needed to do a better job of letting people in. At the very least, I needed to shed my self-imposed armor and experience something or someone outside of myself. On occasion. Maybe. And thus far, it's worked out ok enough. Didn't I just meet a couple co-workers at the bouldering gym last week and have a blast? Haven't I enjoyed meeting other friends for coffee and conversation many times in the past months?
People run with people ALL THE TIME and survive the experience. Their psyches don't end up shattered. They don't curl up into the fetal position. I'd managed before and odds were I would again. It's just that - in general - I prefer to run alone (unless I'm in a strange city and have no idea where to run). Especially my once weekly long runs. I've been working on things, psychological things, and I needed to focus. Specifically, I've been working on pushing the limits of my comfort zone and wanted to -- Wait. What?
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Running with someone was outside my comfort zone. And hadn't I said that I hoped pushing the limits while running would inspire me to push the limits in other facets of my life?
That's why at 6:45 this morning in the near darkness of the Austin High School parking lot I introduced myself to my friend's son. If you don't try - if you don't push - you don't know. Seriously, I had nothing to fear. That's the great thing about sport - tennis, climbing, running, you name it - there's an immediate common frame of reference. I knew this going in, but still... We ran twelve miles and spent nearly two hours together between the run, water breaks, and cooling off afterwards and never stopped talking. Ok, maybe for a few steps every once and awhile to catch our breath, but not for long. Something would come to mind - races, running, travel, family - and the conversation would continue.
Deep inside I knew that's how it would go. I have an uncanny knack for being able to talk to anyone. Finding common ground is easy and people, for the most part, love to tell stories and talk about themselves. And - for the most part - I enjoy doing the same. Once I get there.
Today's experience reminded me that I used to like running with other people. Back in the day, I did the majority of my daily training alone, but usually once or twice a week I'd head out with a friend or one of my students (As a Kinesiology grad student, I taught a jogging class and met some really good former high school runners). Plus, every Sunday I met up for a ten mile run with a couple of my professors and some of their friends. There were all guys and all significantly older than me, and yet we always had something to talk about (when they weren't pulling branches down in front of my face or shoving me around to "toughen me up for races.") Running with others made me a better runner. Most of the guys I ran with were more experienced and better runners. They'd push the pace and I'd have to fight to keep up. Other times, I'd run with slower runners and help them push their limits. I realized today that I miss that.
The thing is, though.................. I'm different than I used to be. I'm more outgoing and self-assured but, at the same time, I've grown more introverted. It's strange, I know. The intervening twenty-plus years have taught me that holding the world at arm's length is a helluva lot safer than the inverse. I can be outgoing - pretend to be extroverted - and still retreat into my voluminous cloak of introversion when needed. I think what I'm learning is that I've defined "when needed" too broadly over the years. I have close friends but few that are geographically close. I hide behind my routines, plans, and silence. I keep the world at a distance. But do I need to? Do I need to push people away? Do I need to feel apprehensive about a run with a friend's son?
I made a new friend this morning. My friend's son is now my friend. In a way, I suppose that's my answer. Perhaps it's time to break away from all that I've clung to for so long and meet some new people. Push the limits of my comfort zone. Run. Talk. Chances are pretty good I won't die, right? James, my new friend, recommended that I try searching Strava for running groups near me. You know what? I think I will.
Just not right now today. I gotta work up to it. The idea kinda makes me feel nauseous at the moment. Not to worry. I'm goal-directed. I'll get there.
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