Indefinitely
Some days just call for a change. Maybe not a big change, but a change nonetheless. It might be more of a semantic difference than anything, but in reality the only thing that matter is that there's a 'difference', a change.
Today is that day for me. I'm tired. Tired of this. Tired of that. Tired from my workout yesterday. Tired from people and their b.s. I guess in the common vernacular 'I'm over it'. If I could disappear, I would. It's just that there's no real way to do that. Money has to be earned and vacations have to end. Fitness has to be maintained and races have to be run. I guess to an extent I can take all that. It's the people that get me. They are unavoidable and, by and large, caustic intruders upon my solitude. I try so hard, love them, and forgive them and still... I am stuck, smothered and mired, trapped and hung, fighting for peace.
Today, though, I'm going to pretend. No one exists but me. No one matters but me. Selfish? Maybe. Necessary? Definitely. I would love to go the remainder of the day without speaking a word. Sure, I'll be polite at the gym and say thank you to the girl who checks me in and I'll exchange pleasantries with the guy at the convenience store when I stop by after my workout for a Powerade or Vitamin Water. I'm going to try to avoid any additional communication. No conversations. No phone calls. No nothing. I may talk to myself a little, but that's all I'm allowed. Today.
Tomorrow may be different, but more and more I'm growing less and less tolerant. Don't get me wrong, I still like people. Just from a distance (ie. outside the b.s. splash zone) and in nearly infinitesimal doses. There is so much I don't understand and these days even less that I want to understand. I used to be driven to figure people out. I wanted to know why and how and what. No more. I'm tired. Tired of illogical thinking. Tired of nothing making sense.
It all comes down to one statement - 'There's just no telling'. People are going to do what they do and say what they say. The beauty is that I no longer feel the need to put up with it. That's the difference, the change. And really, if I can do it one day (today), why can't I do it indefinitely? Why can't I simply jump off the grid and keep my interactions with the world to a decisive minimum? I have to work, work out, and be moderately social, but that's really all that is required of me. I don't have to dig in with people or have friendships beyond the cursory. Boring life? Not really. I'll interact when I want and for the smallest amount of time that can be deemed polite and be done with it.
I said it the other night. I'm at my best when I'm alone. Because people are who they are and I am who I am. No change needed there.
Today is that day for me. I'm tired. Tired of this. Tired of that. Tired from my workout yesterday. Tired from people and their b.s. I guess in the common vernacular 'I'm over it'. If I could disappear, I would. It's just that there's no real way to do that. Money has to be earned and vacations have to end. Fitness has to be maintained and races have to be run. I guess to an extent I can take all that. It's the people that get me. They are unavoidable and, by and large, caustic intruders upon my solitude. I try so hard, love them, and forgive them and still... I am stuck, smothered and mired, trapped and hung, fighting for peace.
Today, though, I'm going to pretend. No one exists but me. No one matters but me. Selfish? Maybe. Necessary? Definitely. I would love to go the remainder of the day without speaking a word. Sure, I'll be polite at the gym and say thank you to the girl who checks me in and I'll exchange pleasantries with the guy at the convenience store when I stop by after my workout for a Powerade or Vitamin Water. I'm going to try to avoid any additional communication. No conversations. No phone calls. No nothing. I may talk to myself a little, but that's all I'm allowed. Today.
Tomorrow may be different, but more and more I'm growing less and less tolerant. Don't get me wrong, I still like people. Just from a distance (ie. outside the b.s. splash zone) and in nearly infinitesimal doses. There is so much I don't understand and these days even less that I want to understand. I used to be driven to figure people out. I wanted to know why and how and what. No more. I'm tired. Tired of illogical thinking. Tired of nothing making sense.
It all comes down to one statement - 'There's just no telling'. People are going to do what they do and say what they say. The beauty is that I no longer feel the need to put up with it. That's the difference, the change. And really, if I can do it one day (today), why can't I do it indefinitely? Why can't I simply jump off the grid and keep my interactions with the world to a decisive minimum? I have to work, work out, and be moderately social, but that's really all that is required of me. I don't have to dig in with people or have friendships beyond the cursory. Boring life? Not really. I'll interact when I want and for the smallest amount of time that can be deemed polite and be done with it.
I said it the other night. I'm at my best when I'm alone. Because people are who they are and I am who I am. No change needed there.
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