Alligator Wrestling
I think I was motivated by boredom. Well, perhaps more correctly, my desire to not be bored. One day not too long ago, I looked out on the horizon of my life and I nearly fell asleep. Then I realized that, if I live to be my father's age (eighty-four), I'm only half way home. I've lived forty-three and have forty-one to go. I may not be one to crave an exciting life - I don't wrestle alligators or jump out of planes - but I don't want to keep doing what I've been doing lately for the next forty-plus years. Don't get me wrong, I have a good life. I certainly don't want to change that. I simply want different - a new challenge for the short-term which may lead to additional challenges in the long-term.
I've worked for the same company for nine years. Thankfully, I haven't done the same job for all those years. I've been everything from a receiving associate to human resource manager, but regardless of the job I find myself bored. It's not that the job is 'boring' per se, it's just not exciting to me. Others treat it with the seriousness of brain surgery and love it. I chuckle at the minutiae and invest only enough to get by. I like my job just fine, but as time passes I inch ever closer to the day when I won't.
Oh, it'll come. I'm a good procrastinator so I've I've been able to put it off and put it off again. I've changed jobs, changed cities, changed stores. Sooner or later, though, all those small 'cosmetic' changes aren't going to be enough. In reality, it's all the same regardless. Receiving, front end, paint, HR. Leadership, management, hourly associate. South Austin, Bee Caves, Texarkana, Timbuktu. I've tried the old math and the new math, but any way I add it up, it's still retail. While I love interacting with customers, I can't attach the appropriate level of importance (as defined by my district manager and store manager) because to me it's 'just retail'. At the end of the day, it's about selling stuff and making money, two things I couldn't give two flips about in the grander scheme.
In other words, I'm tired of balloon arches, streamers, and the dog and pony show. I'm tired of sale weekends that turn into sale fortnights. I'm tired of Christmas in August and summer in January. I'm tired of 'shining the turd' in the wee hours the night before a big-wig is supposed to visit (they used to work in a store - hell, they shop in a store - and know what it REALLY looks like on a day-to-day basis). In a nutshell, I'm tired, just plain tired, of forcing myself to care.
Historically, I've been opposed to change, though admittedly more so to those changes thrust upon me by outside forces. Now, though, something has got to give. After nine years in retail, I fear that I've backed myself into a corner. What are my choices should I decide to leave my current employer? According my work history, I do retail. Even though I worked a lot of jobs before coming to Big Box Retail, my recent experience tells the tale. As it stands, the only places will give me a second look, after nine years, are other retailers - Whole Foods, Target, Best Buy, Staples. All are great companies and great employers, but it's all still retail - selling stuff and making money. A change of venue isn't going to change the boredom factor for long.
This is why against all financial wisdom, I'm going back to school this fall at the age of forty-three. As my mother told me, I should be saving for retirement not signing up for $36,000 of additional student loan debt. The way I see it, I can't not go back to school. I have to change the way I'm seen by employers and gain experience that will lead to a new career. A Masters degree (that I plan to actually finish this time) is a good start. An eventual PhD will help even more. So what do I plan to do with this education? Simple. I'm going to do what I planned to do when I graduated from college twenty-five years ago - work in higher education. Like my oldest sister, I want to teach at the college level, whether that is at a community college or four year university.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can teach. Great, Stacee. Go to school for a year, get an emergency credential, and teach in the public school system. Sure, it would mean a lot less student loan debt and I'd be ready to go in short order but really, no thanks. Been there, done that. It's not the best fit for me. In fact, I'd argue that it's not a fit at all. I don't want to 'teach to the test' and have to deal with incorrigible parents and their incorrigible children. Give me a group of students that are over the age of eighteen and PAYING to take my classes. That I can handle.
Nothing is perfect and I fully understand that every career choice has its own share of bullshit, but teaching is what I love to do. I don't think it's too late to make the switch. If everything goes according to plan, I can have my PhD by the time I'm fifty. I don't plan to retire at sixty-five (with or without all of the student loan debt I'm going to acquire) so I have a good twenty more years to work minimum. Why not make a change and do something I might really be able to invest in?
So, change here we come. After a zillion false starts and stops, I have finally renewed my commitment to advancing my education. While most may not think that higher education is very exciting, at this point it's like alligator wrestling to me. That said, I'll be wrestling my first alligator at St. Edwards University (in Austin, Texas) this fall. Baby steps, assuredly, but a step is a step. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about having to read on a regular basis (which I assume I'll have to do), but I'm sure I'll find a way to make it work. Above all, I'm looking forward to having something to look forward to; something that doesn't involve balloon arches, markdown budgets, and ad sets, I mean. So... Batter up, Alligator. I'm ready.
I've worked for the same company for nine years. Thankfully, I haven't done the same job for all those years. I've been everything from a receiving associate to human resource manager, but regardless of the job I find myself bored. It's not that the job is 'boring' per se, it's just not exciting to me. Others treat it with the seriousness of brain surgery and love it. I chuckle at the minutiae and invest only enough to get by. I like my job just fine, but as time passes I inch ever closer to the day when I won't.
Oh, it'll come. I'm a good procrastinator so I've I've been able to put it off and put it off again. I've changed jobs, changed cities, changed stores. Sooner or later, though, all those small 'cosmetic' changes aren't going to be enough. In reality, it's all the same regardless. Receiving, front end, paint, HR. Leadership, management, hourly associate. South Austin, Bee Caves, Texarkana, Timbuktu. I've tried the old math and the new math, but any way I add it up, it's still retail. While I love interacting with customers, I can't attach the appropriate level of importance (as defined by my district manager and store manager) because to me it's 'just retail'. At the end of the day, it's about selling stuff and making money, two things I couldn't give two flips about in the grander scheme.
In other words, I'm tired of balloon arches, streamers, and the dog and pony show. I'm tired of sale weekends that turn into sale fortnights. I'm tired of Christmas in August and summer in January. I'm tired of 'shining the turd' in the wee hours the night before a big-wig is supposed to visit (they used to work in a store - hell, they shop in a store - and know what it REALLY looks like on a day-to-day basis). In a nutshell, I'm tired, just plain tired, of forcing myself to care.
Historically, I've been opposed to change, though admittedly more so to those changes thrust upon me by outside forces. Now, though, something has got to give. After nine years in retail, I fear that I've backed myself into a corner. What are my choices should I decide to leave my current employer? According my work history, I do retail. Even though I worked a lot of jobs before coming to Big Box Retail, my recent experience tells the tale. As it stands, the only places will give me a second look, after nine years, are other retailers - Whole Foods, Target, Best Buy, Staples. All are great companies and great employers, but it's all still retail - selling stuff and making money. A change of venue isn't going to change the boredom factor for long.
This is why against all financial wisdom, I'm going back to school this fall at the age of forty-three. As my mother told me, I should be saving for retirement not signing up for $36,000 of additional student loan debt. The way I see it, I can't not go back to school. I have to change the way I'm seen by employers and gain experience that will lead to a new career. A Masters degree (that I plan to actually finish this time) is a good start. An eventual PhD will help even more. So what do I plan to do with this education? Simple. I'm going to do what I planned to do when I graduated from college twenty-five years ago - work in higher education. Like my oldest sister, I want to teach at the college level, whether that is at a community college or four year university.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can teach. Great, Stacee. Go to school for a year, get an emergency credential, and teach in the public school system. Sure, it would mean a lot less student loan debt and I'd be ready to go in short order but really, no thanks. Been there, done that. It's not the best fit for me. In fact, I'd argue that it's not a fit at all. I don't want to 'teach to the test' and have to deal with incorrigible parents and their incorrigible children. Give me a group of students that are over the age of eighteen and PAYING to take my classes. That I can handle.
Nothing is perfect and I fully understand that every career choice has its own share of bullshit, but teaching is what I love to do. I don't think it's too late to make the switch. If everything goes according to plan, I can have my PhD by the time I'm fifty. I don't plan to retire at sixty-five (with or without all of the student loan debt I'm going to acquire) so I have a good twenty more years to work minimum. Why not make a change and do something I might really be able to invest in?
So, change here we come. After a zillion false starts and stops, I have finally renewed my commitment to advancing my education. While most may not think that higher education is very exciting, at this point it's like alligator wrestling to me. That said, I'll be wrestling my first alligator at St. Edwards University (in Austin, Texas) this fall. Baby steps, assuredly, but a step is a step. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about having to read on a regular basis (which I assume I'll have to do), but I'm sure I'll find a way to make it work. Above all, I'm looking forward to having something to look forward to; something that doesn't involve balloon arches, markdown budgets, and ad sets, I mean. So... Batter up, Alligator. I'm ready.
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