Notes from the Red Bird House

Ashley Judd had a lesbian sex dream. [There's a freaking brilliant opening line. My writing professors (and every writing how-to book I've ever read) say the first line is absolutely key. As a non-reader, I know this to be true. Start boring and there's no way I'm sticking around for even one whole paragraph] But I digress... Before her  people call my people (i.e me, given I am my only people), let me make one thing absolutely clear - To my knowledge , Ashley Judd didn't really have a lesbian sex dream. I am not spreading gossip about her sex dream preference nor am I saying she has sex dreams period. Admittedly, Ashley is a highly politicized feminist and the old school variety were often accused of being lesbians, so she could be but I have absolutely no evidence in that regard (Feel better, Ashley's People?). Moreover, in the nearly two decades she held the top spot on my Exceptions List, she never once set off my gay-dar.  Not. Once. Ever. I had a...

When I was at my dad's house a month or so ago, I had a dream about Alicia Vikander. Let's get a couple important details out of the way. (1) It wasn't that kind of dream (Bummer, I know) and (2) The dream wasn't exactly about her; she was, however, the only key player I remember. With all that out of the way, I think it's safe to admit something I've denied since I posted about my dreamy good fortune on social media - I don't think the dream was entirely random. This is going to sound weird, especially for me, but I think it's the bedroom. Seriously. One of the last times I slept in that same blue guest bedroom a dozen-plus years ago, I dreamed about Jodie Foster. I promise you, it's way too random to actually be random. I'm certain that little blue room is some kind of astral migration, dreamscape portal. How can I be so sure? (A) The people in my dreams are 99.9% face-less. I know it's probably something I should discuss with a shr...